Cleaning Closets

During the last year or so, I often have dreams about closets. In these dreams I discover that my closet is much deeper and larger than it appears in my room. I also discover more clothes and shoes than I thought I owned. I can say that the same goes for my life in general. 

At least once or twice a year, I get into a major cleaning mode. One of the chores on my cleaning list is to go through my closet. Unbeknownst to me, I discover long lost memories from the past as well as clothes I have not worn in several years. Since I forgot I owned this particular shirt or dress and no longer recall the last time I wore them, I know it is time to toss them out of the closet. The same goes for thought patterns in my life.

Here are some examples of spiritual closet cleaning that are parallel to physical closet cleaning.

Hand me downs

1. Generational curses

            Example: Used underwear and socks. If a thrift store won't accept them, then you shouldn't either.When my brother and I were in early elementary school, a friend of Mom's wanted to get rid of her son's underwear so she asked Mom if the underwear would fit my brother. He refused the underwear knowing that they have been worn numerous times and probably had past turd stains on them. Mom informed my brother that the underwear has been washed and should be good enough for him to wear. My brother still refused. 

           Just like some generational curses which seem to get handed down, we do not need to keep them. There has been a family joke about the "worry gene" in my family. Great Grandma was a big time worrier who passed it down to my grandmother who passed it down to my mother. I got some of the worry gene but Mom had worked hard to break the curse by encouraging me to stop worrying about stuff. Although we do have some worries in life, Mom and I do not worry to the same extent as previous generations.

I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.-Exodus 20:6 

2. Love-extra

            Example: An outfit you've worn so many times, have had it for years and now ready to pass it on. Throughout my life I have had quite a few outfits that I have worn more times than I could ever count but after a period of time, I needed to get rid of this item to make room for other items in my closet. Plus, I wanted someone else to wear it. I have also worn hand-me-downs from others throughout my life. As a child and being the oldest of all my first cousins, hand-me-downs for me came from other relatives and friends who had older children. When I was about a year old, I wore a polyester olive jumper that once belonged to my uncle who was 15 years older than I. 

3. Restored clothing

            Example: Mistakes made by ancestors who learned from them and passed them on to the next generation. The polyester jumper that used to be my uncle's became mine when I was a year old. Mom stitched my name onto the bib of the jumper.

4. Some skip a generation

            Example: A vintage dress of Grandma's that did not fit Mom but I could fit into it. Grandma's a believer in Christ, but Mom does not exactly share that belief. However I (the granddaughter) am a born-again Christian.

A New Wardrobe

 When I became a Christian, God gave me a new wardrobe: His armor. I also got the fruit of the Spirit which must be worn at ALL times; not just on Sundays at church or when I hang around other believers. With a NEW Christian wardrobe (lifestyle) I don't have more room in my closet for the negative, ungodly stuff. When I became a Christian I got a new wardrobe but still have a closet that needs to be cleaned. Sometimes I don't realize that there's something wrong in my life until you have discovered something good (the presence of God).

In one of my dreams: I discovered shoes and clothes in my closet that I did not realize existed. When I began to dig deeper I discovered things I once forgot about such as past memories, the discovery of where, why, when, and how I got that certain belief, idea, ungodly belief, etc.

So why do I still hang onto things that don't get worn or I keep wearing them when they no longer serve their purpose? Just now I am finally getting rid of my bridesmaid dress which I wore in my friend's wedding over nine years ago. It has stayed in my closet for that long but I know I will not be wearing it again. It no longer fits me because I've lot weight and I know I will never wear it again. So I had it dry cleaned almost a year ago and I decided to donate it for a great cause. Someone I know uses fancy dresses for "Princess for a Day." I am also getting rid of my cap and gown from college graduation five years ago. If I do decide to get my bachelor's degree I would probably be wearing a different colored cap and gown. I never knew what to do with it until I cleaned out my closet a month ago. I had cleaned out my closet other times while the cap and gown was still in a plastic bag. This last cleaning spree I decided it was time to do something about that cap and gown. I am donating them to my local college because I know that preparing for graduation can become expensive. Some people don't attend their college graduation because they cannot afford it so I hope that my donation will make a difference for someone else.

As for my spiritual closet cleaning, I will not be finished after one cleaning spree. Each time I evaluate my walk with the Lord, there is usually something He wants me to get rid of. If I'm constantly storing up negative thoughts in my head, they can crowd out the positive that He wants for me to use.

The Single Life Part 2

When I was reading responses to an article from Relevant Magazine, I just had to share this reader's list of "advice" or comments that she gets tired of hearing as a single person. As I read through her list, I thought about certain ways to respond to each comment if I had the opportunity to do so. That probably won't happen because after being single myself for such a long time (12 years), I really do not want to vent to people anymore about my somewhat seemingly forever single status. I just prefer to do that in my writing as a way to relieve some pent up frustration without having to do this face-to-face. I want to dispense this newfound wisdom to other singles who probably get tired of hearing these comments and often don't know how to respond. Hopefully my suggested responses might be helpful.

More things NOT to say to single people:

1. God knows your address

My response: Of course He does! I know what God's Word says.

2. You need to be patient
My response: So how patient were you before you met your spouse?
2nd possible response: Next time you have to wait in line at Wal-Mart, be sure to take your own advise.

3. Maybe you have the gift of singleness
My response: If so, then I believe it's only for a season. I believe if God wanted me to remain single, He would not put the desire of marriage on my heart. (What I've really wanted to say in the past is "Bite me!")

4. You are so “special” that God is making you wait longer for your mate.
My response: Of course I am special because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Does my having to wait longer for a mate than others make them less special?
I could easily take this comment as a compliment!

5. You need to wait on the Lord and he will bring your mate to church.
My response: I hate to burst your bubble on this one, but more people have better luck finding someone in the produce aisle at a grocery store than at church. If you haven't noticed, many single men do not attend church or at least they don't attend the one I go to.
2nd possible response: Maybe I'll find my future husband in the aisles of Wal-Mart or at the dog park. Sunday is not the only day for God to bring wonderful opportunities into my life.

6. Don’t go out there looking for a mate to do that means you lack “faith” in God.
My response: So then Christian Mingle and eHarmony are not from God? I'm not going to sit at home and expect God to bring my future husband to knock on my door. I am just going to live life to the fullest and if I happen to meet someone who strikes my interest then that's great.
2nd possible response: Are you going to tell the people who had success meeting the right mate online that they lacked faith in God? God does have interesting ways of bringing two people together. The Internet could be one of those ways.
Note: I am not endorsing online dating here, but I believe that if God puts it on someone's heart to search on a dating website, then I'm all for it. As for me, I have tried that avenue several times without success. After the third attempt at online dating, I sensed God telling me to just leave the matchmaking up to Him. So I'm happily doing that by not actively searching for my future spouse. I'm just living my life to the fullest and know that the man God has for me is somewhere in my hometown. I may find him at the grocery store or the dog park. Just any random place in town.

7. God made Abraham wait until he was a hundred before his son was born so what is your rush?
My response: We are not living in biblical times. Besides, by the time I'm 100 years old (if I even live that long) my reproductive equipment will long be dried up and out of commission. Who would want to have a child when they're that old anyway?
Note: I think this comment is very insensitive, especially to a woman with a ticking biological clock. If anyone were to say that to me, I would love to tell them stuff that I am not going to post on here.
 
8. Why do you want to get married? (From the miserable married ones)
My response: Why not? So I can have a godly man by my side and we work for God's glory and so I can have sex. Isn't that why you got married?
Note: What a dumb question to ask! Most people want to get married. But with more people living together without being married I guess this question may not be so dumb after all. I believe God created most people with the desire to get married. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting married but no one should have to rush into something so big because they may think that time is running out or that it may be their last chance at finding someone.

If you want to read the article where this list (without my responses) came from click on the link below.

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/what-god-can-do-singleness#BAA1e3pW3EeIHFYm.99

The Single Life Part 1

Right now I am working on my second book which is a devotional for single people. Since I have not been able to find any devotional books specifically for singles, I have decided to start writing one. Although I am in an undefined season in my life, I feel the need to be encouraging to other single people as well as be encouraged.

I've been following up on blogs about the single life of Christians and wish that I had seen those blogs several years earlier when I was miserable about my single (for far too long) status. These blogs have given me encouragement and have also made me laugh because I can totally relate to the author's feelings and their experiences.

After reading a few lists of things single people get tired of hearing, I thought of some clever responses and would like to share them but first, I would like to share those "wonderful" things I have been tired of hearing from people about being single.

Here's a list I have created a few years ago.

Things Single People Get Tired of Hearing

1. Enjoy your time while you're still single.

    Maybe this would be encouraging to hear while I was in my late teens or twenties, but with a somewhat ticking biological clock, I do NOT want to hear this. So I just decided to stop complaining about my long-time single status unless I'm commiserating with other single people.

 

2. Playing matchmaker when people know you are single and saying, "I'm probably the world's worst matchmaker…but I know someone you might be interested in…" You end up hearing a sob story about that person's life.

Luckily people who know me well have gotten the hint that I do not share their tastes in men. Next time they want to fix me up, I will simply say, "Tell me about this person and I'll pray about it." If I like what this person has to say about their "choice" for me, then maybe I'll give the guy a chance. I don't have to marry him.

 

3. "Being single is so hard. I wouldn't want to be single."

       Please do not remind me. I am trying to be content where I'm at in my life right now.

4. "Maybe God has a reason for you to be single."

       Hopefully for a season.

 

5. "You know you're not getting any younger. If you want to have kids, you better hurry up and find someone."

       Why should I settle for just anyone so I can have a kid or two? I must love the man first and want to marry him.

6. "If you want to find someone decent, you need to move to a bigger city, go to a different church…"

       It doesn't matter where I have lived or what church I have attended. Big city or small town, I have not met anyone special yet.

7. "No one will want to date you if they know you still live with your parents."

      Luckily, I only heard this comment once but it still stings at times. I think it's more socially acceptable for a woman to live with her parents than for a man. However, everyone's circumstances vary. By living with my mother, at least the guy will get acquainted with her much sooner than if I had lived elsewhere.

8. "If you want to find someone you need to lose weight, change your wardrobe, act this way, that way…"

Luckily, this comment has never been directed at me but other singles have told me that they have heard this comment. If being skinny with a great wardrobe determined whether people got dates, then there would be far more single people than there are right no. 

9. "You are not going to find anyone by waiting. You might need to date a lot of people before you find the right person."

Since I already know what I like and don't like, I refuse to waste my time going on numerous dates especially if I already know I don't want to date that person. I don't see many serial daters getting married.

10. "You don't need a man (or a woman) because Jesus is your husband."

Although this statement is true and as a Christian, I am the bride of Christ, this does not really comfort me. I consider Jesus far more than a husband.

11. "Stay single because the end is near."

The end has been near for many years. If every single celibate person bought into this philosophy then there would not be many people on this earth right now. I believe that God wants us to live our lives fully (further your education, enjoy your friendships and family, get married, have children, etc.) as we prepare for Jesus' return.

In my next blog I would like to show other lists of what singles are tired of hearing and give my response to each comment.

Happy reading everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pieces of Me

Hello readers!

One of my dreams finally came true! I am now a published author! Pieces of Me is now available in Kindle format on Amazon.com. I will post the link here.



http://www.amazon.com/Pieces-Me-Laura-Hughes-ebook/dp/B00IC6C1YM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1392077643&sr=1-1&keywords=pieces+of+me+by+laura+hughes

Dreams Part 4

I was just thinking about setting goals for 2014 and wondering if I were to follow my goals to a tee, would they help make my dreams become a reality? I believe that setting goals can motivate a person to work toward achieving a desired result but sometimes life can get in the way.

For example, if a person's goal is to lose 25 pounds within six months they need to set goals such as working out one hour for five days a week, maybe cut out desserts and eat smaller portion sizes. One thing about setting goals is that we need to be realistic about how we plan to get to the results we hope for. If a person wanted to lose 25 pounds in one month, that could be possible but work outs would need to be longer and daily and he/she would need to eat a lot less. However, it's not healthy to lose a lot of weight during a short period of time. When a person is more realistic about setting goals, it is much easier to stick to even if it takes a bit longer to achieve the desired result.

Sometimes I find that making (or trying to) my dreams come true may seem impossible because every dream takes work. I find that when being vague about goal setting, it's easier to procrastinate and then the dream may never become a reality.

About 5 or 6 years ago I needed to lose some weight because I knew I was slightly overweight and did not like the way I looked. I have always been an avid exerciser so increasing my workouts almost daily was not hard for me to do. What I focused on was cutting back on portion sizes, giving up on Diet Coke, and stop eating after a certain time in the evening (after 8pm). I chose these particular steps to help achieve my goal because they were realistic and would help in maintaining long-term healthy habits. I did not have a set day as to when my goal had to be achieved. In the past I would give myself a date when the goal had to be accomplished and usually I stressed out. That would cause me to blow my diet and feel like a failure.

So why does goal setting seem so overwhelming at times?
1. Being unrealistic about when the goal should be accomplished.
2. If you get off track one day, you feel like you failed and then have to work even harder the following days.
3. If you don't meet your deadline, then you feel like you failed. So why bother again?

What can you do to change your attitude about goal setting?
1. Be realistic about the time frame it should probably take to achieve this goal.
2. If you fall off track one day, just get back on the wagon and keep following through on the goal.
3. If you don't meet your deadline, extend it a bit longer. Maybe you did not give yourself enough time to set the goal.

As for getting my first book published, I have had the idea in my head for almost a decade. What was I going to write about? How many pages did I want the book to be before getting it ready for publication?

Sometime about a year ago, I remembered that I had lots of poetry and short essays I had written throughout the years since I was a teenager. A majority of my writings were from school and I received A's on almost everything I wrote so I thought that they would be publish-worthy. A few months ago, I finally compiled my poems and essays by typing them up and organizing them into a book. I am almost finished with the final touches and now it's almost time to get this book self-published. I already set up an account on a self-publishing website. Now I just need to take the next step and submit my work. However, I feel nervous about it. What if I can't get the book to look good?

I know I can do this and should give myself a deadline to make it happen.

However there are some hopes and dreams that we cannot put a deadline on. For example, I have hoped to be married and have a child or two of my own. When I was 33 I set a deadline as for when this had to happen. I decided that if I did not meet the right man by the time I turned 35, then it was too late for me to consider having children and it seemed likely that if I did not meet anyone by age 35 then it was probably never going to happen. As for making this "unrealistic goal" I did not exactly have a plan to put this into effect.

I did have my sights set on someone who was a few years younger than me and happened to be a single Christian man. Since he was the only single man I knew at the time, I felt that I had to focus on getting him to be interested in me. I just made sure that when I was around him he would see me. I am not the flirtatious type and could not get up the nerve to ask him out for coffee (which I don't drink anyway). I do not think that women should be pursuers when it comes to romance and I tend to be a bit shy around men. So I tried to be subtle by putting more effort into my physical appearance when I knew I would be somewhere where he was. I made sure to say "hi" and hopefully strike up some conversation when I came in contact with this guy.
I figured if he was interested in me then he would do something about it. Long story short, he ended up with someone else and I was crushed. Was this my only chance at ever finding a godly single man close to my age?

I've had several opportunities throughout my single years to date, but I just did not feel right about most of these opportunities. Maybe my standards were too high. Maybe I needed to move to a bigger city if I wanted to find a godly man around my age. Or I should just settle for whatever was available. I knew that I could not settle for less than I wanted because I did that many years ago and ended up divorced after only a few years of marriage.

As for finding love, I don't think a person should set a deadline for making this happen. However, you can take steps hoping for something great to happen. Here's some steps I've taken but sadly have not made success yet.

1. Pray for God to bring the right person into my life. I've prayed this prayer for almost ten years now. When it comes to setting goals and wanting to make your dreams come true, you should put God first. Some of you may be wondering "Why after almost ten years of prayer, has this not happened yet?" I don't have an answer for that. Only God knows why and it's His Timing that we have to trust. I have had times where I just wanted to give up and maybe change my prayer. If I prayed differently would He hear me more clearly and bring the right person sooner? If I lived the Christian life perfectly and without flaws, would my prayer be heard and acted on?
      Throughout the years several people would tell me what they did and if I prayed this way or that way, then the right person would come the next day. According to their testimonies, when they changed their prayers they met their match within a short period of time. I cannot count the number of ways I changed how I prayed and I still have not met the right person.
      I was fed up with praying and not seeing any results so I decided to take a step and
2. Set up a dating profile for some dating websites. I've tried a few but did not find what I was interested in. I did instant message, email, and even a few phone conversations, but never met in person. I just did not get that feeling that I should proceed further. After a few months of having several online dating profiles, I sensed God telling me to get rid of my dating profiles and let Him handle my romantic future. I'm not saying that online dating is wrong; I just don't think it's for everyone. Some people have found success with it and others have had horror stories.

3. I decided to change my attitude about my present circumstances. Almost two years ago, I realized that my motives for wanting to be with someone was selfish. I did not want to end up alone and childless and felt like an oddball among my peers (the majority of people my age in my small town have children and/or are married). I figured that maybe God had a different plan for me and I would just have to accept His Will for me.

4. In December 2012, my father was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and I realized how grateful I was to be living with my parents. I had been living with them for over five years by then. As hard as it was to see my father suffer and lose his battle last May, I knew why God kept me single for so long. He knew that my parents needed me to be there for them and spending the last six years of Dad's life with him was the greatest gift that God gave me.

5. I decided not to set deadlines as to when I should get married. At times I feel somewhat tempted to tell God that He needs to hurry because I'm almost 38 and I don't want my biological clock to break just yet. Luckily my desire for children is not as intense as it once was several years ago. Maybe the grieving process is causing me to put certain desires on hold. I cannot use that as an excuse for putting off my dreams of publishing a book.

You've got to know what dreams require some goal setting and some just to be left in God's Hands.

Happy 2014!

I'm back and ready to write in 2014. I have kept meaning to blog but time got away from me and I was focused on other writing projects, then in December I vegged out after an intense November of cramming 50,000 words of novel writing in 30 days. Now I'm at work on rewriting this novel that I really want to get published this calendar year. But first, I have something else that I want to get published first. Right now I'm keeping mum on that.

I enjoyed blogging about my thoughts on dreams and what to do to make them come true. I don't know if I have anything more to write on that. What comes to mind right now is when your dreams are put on hold.

I know we all have had specific dreams for our lives but they don't always come true. Could one reason be that the dreams are currently on hold right now? Why do our dreams get put on hold? Is it due to timing? Maybe our own laziness and lack of motivation?

In my life I have experienced these two reasons for my dreams being on hold. The first one is timing. Ever since I was in my late 20s, I was anxious to meet the right man, get married and have children. Well, now it's been nearly a decade since I first had that desire and it still has not happened yet. I believe that's due to timing. Or maybe God has something different in store for me which may not include having children. As for right now that is not on my priority list. I'm in the middle or maybe at the beginning of the grieving process of losing my dad almost eight months ago. At this point, I don't feel that I'm in a place where I want to consider dating anyone or even look around for potential dates. So for now, I am trying to focus on my other dream: becoming a published writer.

Almost a decade ago, I began to have the desire to write. Not just poems or short essays which I have done throughout my life. I have wanted to write books, maybe short stories. I have had one poem published in a poetry anthology in 2000 which is the most of any kind of publishing I've ever done. Timing could be a reason why this dream of being a published writer has not come true. Now that self-publishing has become more common amongst a lot of writers, there's no excuse for me to not pursue this dream. I admit that being lazy and unmotivated have contributed to my not actively pursuing my dream. I have taken several creative writing classes and participated in National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org) several times. I enjoy the creative process of writing, but am not always thrilled about the rewriting or editing process. I may have only an associate's degree in library science and a certificate in children's literature but I know I'm capable of using proper grammar and sentence structure throughout my writing. I may not have the financial security of hiring an editor or a book agent, but right now I'm not interested in becoming the next best selling author according to NY Times. I just want to produce a work that I can be proud of hoping that other people around me will enjoy reading it.

So in order for some of my dreams to come true, I need to get moving. I find that when I'm taking the necessary steps I discover motivation in going further along with the dream. I cannot sit around waiting for inspiration; I must perspire first then the inspiration will come.

I usually don't make New Years' resolutions, but in order for my dreams to come true I am challenging myself to get something published in 2014.