Dreams Part 4

I was just thinking about setting goals for 2014 and wondering if I were to follow my goals to a tee, would they help make my dreams become a reality? I believe that setting goals can motivate a person to work toward achieving a desired result but sometimes life can get in the way.

For example, if a person's goal is to lose 25 pounds within six months they need to set goals such as working out one hour for five days a week, maybe cut out desserts and eat smaller portion sizes. One thing about setting goals is that we need to be realistic about how we plan to get to the results we hope for. If a person wanted to lose 25 pounds in one month, that could be possible but work outs would need to be longer and daily and he/she would need to eat a lot less. However, it's not healthy to lose a lot of weight during a short period of time. When a person is more realistic about setting goals, it is much easier to stick to even if it takes a bit longer to achieve the desired result.

Sometimes I find that making (or trying to) my dreams come true may seem impossible because every dream takes work. I find that when being vague about goal setting, it's easier to procrastinate and then the dream may never become a reality.

About 5 or 6 years ago I needed to lose some weight because I knew I was slightly overweight and did not like the way I looked. I have always been an avid exerciser so increasing my workouts almost daily was not hard for me to do. What I focused on was cutting back on portion sizes, giving up on Diet Coke, and stop eating after a certain time in the evening (after 8pm). I chose these particular steps to help achieve my goal because they were realistic and would help in maintaining long-term healthy habits. I did not have a set day as to when my goal had to be achieved. In the past I would give myself a date when the goal had to be accomplished and usually I stressed out. That would cause me to blow my diet and feel like a failure.

So why does goal setting seem so overwhelming at times?
1. Being unrealistic about when the goal should be accomplished.
2. If you get off track one day, you feel like you failed and then have to work even harder the following days.
3. If you don't meet your deadline, then you feel like you failed. So why bother again?

What can you do to change your attitude about goal setting?
1. Be realistic about the time frame it should probably take to achieve this goal.
2. If you fall off track one day, just get back on the wagon and keep following through on the goal.
3. If you don't meet your deadline, extend it a bit longer. Maybe you did not give yourself enough time to set the goal.

As for getting my first book published, I have had the idea in my head for almost a decade. What was I going to write about? How many pages did I want the book to be before getting it ready for publication?

Sometime about a year ago, I remembered that I had lots of poetry and short essays I had written throughout the years since I was a teenager. A majority of my writings were from school and I received A's on almost everything I wrote so I thought that they would be publish-worthy. A few months ago, I finally compiled my poems and essays by typing them up and organizing them into a book. I am almost finished with the final touches and now it's almost time to get this book self-published. I already set up an account on a self-publishing website. Now I just need to take the next step and submit my work. However, I feel nervous about it. What if I can't get the book to look good?

I know I can do this and should give myself a deadline to make it happen.

However there are some hopes and dreams that we cannot put a deadline on. For example, I have hoped to be married and have a child or two of my own. When I was 33 I set a deadline as for when this had to happen. I decided that if I did not meet the right man by the time I turned 35, then it was too late for me to consider having children and it seemed likely that if I did not meet anyone by age 35 then it was probably never going to happen. As for making this "unrealistic goal" I did not exactly have a plan to put this into effect.

I did have my sights set on someone who was a few years younger than me and happened to be a single Christian man. Since he was the only single man I knew at the time, I felt that I had to focus on getting him to be interested in me. I just made sure that when I was around him he would see me. I am not the flirtatious type and could not get up the nerve to ask him out for coffee (which I don't drink anyway). I do not think that women should be pursuers when it comes to romance and I tend to be a bit shy around men. So I tried to be subtle by putting more effort into my physical appearance when I knew I would be somewhere where he was. I made sure to say "hi" and hopefully strike up some conversation when I came in contact with this guy.
I figured if he was interested in me then he would do something about it. Long story short, he ended up with someone else and I was crushed. Was this my only chance at ever finding a godly single man close to my age?

I've had several opportunities throughout my single years to date, but I just did not feel right about most of these opportunities. Maybe my standards were too high. Maybe I needed to move to a bigger city if I wanted to find a godly man around my age. Or I should just settle for whatever was available. I knew that I could not settle for less than I wanted because I did that many years ago and ended up divorced after only a few years of marriage.

As for finding love, I don't think a person should set a deadline for making this happen. However, you can take steps hoping for something great to happen. Here's some steps I've taken but sadly have not made success yet.

1. Pray for God to bring the right person into my life. I've prayed this prayer for almost ten years now. When it comes to setting goals and wanting to make your dreams come true, you should put God first. Some of you may be wondering "Why after almost ten years of prayer, has this not happened yet?" I don't have an answer for that. Only God knows why and it's His Timing that we have to trust. I have had times where I just wanted to give up and maybe change my prayer. If I prayed differently would He hear me more clearly and bring the right person sooner? If I lived the Christian life perfectly and without flaws, would my prayer be heard and acted on?
      Throughout the years several people would tell me what they did and if I prayed this way or that way, then the right person would come the next day. According to their testimonies, when they changed their prayers they met their match within a short period of time. I cannot count the number of ways I changed how I prayed and I still have not met the right person.
      I was fed up with praying and not seeing any results so I decided to take a step and
2. Set up a dating profile for some dating websites. I've tried a few but did not find what I was interested in. I did instant message, email, and even a few phone conversations, but never met in person. I just did not get that feeling that I should proceed further. After a few months of having several online dating profiles, I sensed God telling me to get rid of my dating profiles and let Him handle my romantic future. I'm not saying that online dating is wrong; I just don't think it's for everyone. Some people have found success with it and others have had horror stories.

3. I decided to change my attitude about my present circumstances. Almost two years ago, I realized that my motives for wanting to be with someone was selfish. I did not want to end up alone and childless and felt like an oddball among my peers (the majority of people my age in my small town have children and/or are married). I figured that maybe God had a different plan for me and I would just have to accept His Will for me.

4. In December 2012, my father was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and I realized how grateful I was to be living with my parents. I had been living with them for over five years by then. As hard as it was to see my father suffer and lose his battle last May, I knew why God kept me single for so long. He knew that my parents needed me to be there for them and spending the last six years of Dad's life with him was the greatest gift that God gave me.

5. I decided not to set deadlines as to when I should get married. At times I feel somewhat tempted to tell God that He needs to hurry because I'm almost 38 and I don't want my biological clock to break just yet. Luckily my desire for children is not as intense as it once was several years ago. Maybe the grieving process is causing me to put certain desires on hold. I cannot use that as an excuse for putting off my dreams of publishing a book.

You've got to know what dreams require some goal setting and some just to be left in God's Hands.

Happy 2014!

I'm back and ready to write in 2014. I have kept meaning to blog but time got away from me and I was focused on other writing projects, then in December I vegged out after an intense November of cramming 50,000 words of novel writing in 30 days. Now I'm at work on rewriting this novel that I really want to get published this calendar year. But first, I have something else that I want to get published first. Right now I'm keeping mum on that.

I enjoyed blogging about my thoughts on dreams and what to do to make them come true. I don't know if I have anything more to write on that. What comes to mind right now is when your dreams are put on hold.

I know we all have had specific dreams for our lives but they don't always come true. Could one reason be that the dreams are currently on hold right now? Why do our dreams get put on hold? Is it due to timing? Maybe our own laziness and lack of motivation?

In my life I have experienced these two reasons for my dreams being on hold. The first one is timing. Ever since I was in my late 20s, I was anxious to meet the right man, get married and have children. Well, now it's been nearly a decade since I first had that desire and it still has not happened yet. I believe that's due to timing. Or maybe God has something different in store for me which may not include having children. As for right now that is not on my priority list. I'm in the middle or maybe at the beginning of the grieving process of losing my dad almost eight months ago. At this point, I don't feel that I'm in a place where I want to consider dating anyone or even look around for potential dates. So for now, I am trying to focus on my other dream: becoming a published writer.

Almost a decade ago, I began to have the desire to write. Not just poems or short essays which I have done throughout my life. I have wanted to write books, maybe short stories. I have had one poem published in a poetry anthology in 2000 which is the most of any kind of publishing I've ever done. Timing could be a reason why this dream of being a published writer has not come true. Now that self-publishing has become more common amongst a lot of writers, there's no excuse for me to not pursue this dream. I admit that being lazy and unmotivated have contributed to my not actively pursuing my dream. I have taken several creative writing classes and participated in National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org) several times. I enjoy the creative process of writing, but am not always thrilled about the rewriting or editing process. I may have only an associate's degree in library science and a certificate in children's literature but I know I'm capable of using proper grammar and sentence structure throughout my writing. I may not have the financial security of hiring an editor or a book agent, but right now I'm not interested in becoming the next best selling author according to NY Times. I just want to produce a work that I can be proud of hoping that other people around me will enjoy reading it.

So in order for some of my dreams to come true, I need to get moving. I find that when I'm taking the necessary steps I discover motivation in going further along with the dream. I cannot sit around waiting for inspiration; I must perspire first then the inspiration will come.

I usually don't make New Years' resolutions, but in order for my dreams to come true I am challenging myself to get something published in 2014.