The Single Life Part 2

When I was reading responses to an article from Relevant Magazine, I just had to share this reader's list of "advice" or comments that she gets tired of hearing as a single person. As I read through her list, I thought about certain ways to respond to each comment if I had the opportunity to do so. That probably won't happen because after being single myself for such a long time (12 years), I really do not want to vent to people anymore about my somewhat seemingly forever single status. I just prefer to do that in my writing as a way to relieve some pent up frustration without having to do this face-to-face. I want to dispense this newfound wisdom to other singles who probably get tired of hearing these comments and often don't know how to respond. Hopefully my suggested responses might be helpful.

More things NOT to say to single people:

1. God knows your address

My response: Of course He does! I know what God's Word says.

2. You need to be patient
My response: So how patient were you before you met your spouse?
2nd possible response: Next time you have to wait in line at Wal-Mart, be sure to take your own advise.

3. Maybe you have the gift of singleness
My response: If so, then I believe it's only for a season. I believe if God wanted me to remain single, He would not put the desire of marriage on my heart. (What I've really wanted to say in the past is "Bite me!")

4. You are so “special” that God is making you wait longer for your mate.
My response: Of course I am special because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Does my having to wait longer for a mate than others make them less special?
I could easily take this comment as a compliment!

5. You need to wait on the Lord and he will bring your mate to church.
My response: I hate to burst your bubble on this one, but more people have better luck finding someone in the produce aisle at a grocery store than at church. If you haven't noticed, many single men do not attend church or at least they don't attend the one I go to.
2nd possible response: Maybe I'll find my future husband in the aisles of Wal-Mart or at the dog park. Sunday is not the only day for God to bring wonderful opportunities into my life.

6. Don’t go out there looking for a mate to do that means you lack “faith” in God.
My response: So then Christian Mingle and eHarmony are not from God? I'm not going to sit at home and expect God to bring my future husband to knock on my door. I am just going to live life to the fullest and if I happen to meet someone who strikes my interest then that's great.
2nd possible response: Are you going to tell the people who had success meeting the right mate online that they lacked faith in God? God does have interesting ways of bringing two people together. The Internet could be one of those ways.
Note: I am not endorsing online dating here, but I believe that if God puts it on someone's heart to search on a dating website, then I'm all for it. As for me, I have tried that avenue several times without success. After the third attempt at online dating, I sensed God telling me to just leave the matchmaking up to Him. So I'm happily doing that by not actively searching for my future spouse. I'm just living my life to the fullest and know that the man God has for me is somewhere in my hometown. I may find him at the grocery store or the dog park. Just any random place in town.

7. God made Abraham wait until he was a hundred before his son was born so what is your rush?
My response: We are not living in biblical times. Besides, by the time I'm 100 years old (if I even live that long) my reproductive equipment will long be dried up and out of commission. Who would want to have a child when they're that old anyway?
Note: I think this comment is very insensitive, especially to a woman with a ticking biological clock. If anyone were to say that to me, I would love to tell them stuff that I am not going to post on here.
 
8. Why do you want to get married? (From the miserable married ones)
My response: Why not? So I can have a godly man by my side and we work for God's glory and so I can have sex. Isn't that why you got married?
Note: What a dumb question to ask! Most people want to get married. But with more people living together without being married I guess this question may not be so dumb after all. I believe God created most people with the desire to get married. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting married but no one should have to rush into something so big because they may think that time is running out or that it may be their last chance at finding someone.

If you want to read the article where this list (without my responses) came from click on the link below.

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/what-god-can-do-singleness#BAA1e3pW3EeIHFYm.99

The Single Life Part 1

Right now I am working on my second book which is a devotional for single people. Since I have not been able to find any devotional books specifically for singles, I have decided to start writing one. Although I am in an undefined season in my life, I feel the need to be encouraging to other single people as well as be encouraged.

I've been following up on blogs about the single life of Christians and wish that I had seen those blogs several years earlier when I was miserable about my single (for far too long) status. These blogs have given me encouragement and have also made me laugh because I can totally relate to the author's feelings and their experiences.

After reading a few lists of things single people get tired of hearing, I thought of some clever responses and would like to share them but first, I would like to share those "wonderful" things I have been tired of hearing from people about being single.

Here's a list I have created a few years ago.

Things Single People Get Tired of Hearing

1. Enjoy your time while you're still single.

    Maybe this would be encouraging to hear while I was in my late teens or twenties, but with a somewhat ticking biological clock, I do NOT want to hear this. So I just decided to stop complaining about my long-time single status unless I'm commiserating with other single people.

 

2. Playing matchmaker when people know you are single and saying, "I'm probably the world's worst matchmaker…but I know someone you might be interested in…" You end up hearing a sob story about that person's life.

Luckily people who know me well have gotten the hint that I do not share their tastes in men. Next time they want to fix me up, I will simply say, "Tell me about this person and I'll pray about it." If I like what this person has to say about their "choice" for me, then maybe I'll give the guy a chance. I don't have to marry him.

 

3. "Being single is so hard. I wouldn't want to be single."

       Please do not remind me. I am trying to be content where I'm at in my life right now.

4. "Maybe God has a reason for you to be single."

       Hopefully for a season.

 

5. "You know you're not getting any younger. If you want to have kids, you better hurry up and find someone."

       Why should I settle for just anyone so I can have a kid or two? I must love the man first and want to marry him.

6. "If you want to find someone decent, you need to move to a bigger city, go to a different church…"

       It doesn't matter where I have lived or what church I have attended. Big city or small town, I have not met anyone special yet.

7. "No one will want to date you if they know you still live with your parents."

      Luckily, I only heard this comment once but it still stings at times. I think it's more socially acceptable for a woman to live with her parents than for a man. However, everyone's circumstances vary. By living with my mother, at least the guy will get acquainted with her much sooner than if I had lived elsewhere.

8. "If you want to find someone you need to lose weight, change your wardrobe, act this way, that way…"

Luckily, this comment has never been directed at me but other singles have told me that they have heard this comment. If being skinny with a great wardrobe determined whether people got dates, then there would be far more single people than there are right no. 

9. "You are not going to find anyone by waiting. You might need to date a lot of people before you find the right person."

Since I already know what I like and don't like, I refuse to waste my time going on numerous dates especially if I already know I don't want to date that person. I don't see many serial daters getting married.

10. "You don't need a man (or a woman) because Jesus is your husband."

Although this statement is true and as a Christian, I am the bride of Christ, this does not really comfort me. I consider Jesus far more than a husband.

11. "Stay single because the end is near."

The end has been near for many years. If every single celibate person bought into this philosophy then there would not be many people on this earth right now. I believe that God wants us to live our lives fully (further your education, enjoy your friendships and family, get married, have children, etc.) as we prepare for Jesus' return.

In my next blog I would like to show other lists of what singles are tired of hearing and give my response to each comment.

Happy reading everyone!