My very first blog post from wordpress

This post came up in my memory feed on Facebook today. It has been exactly four years since I started a blog and I am surprised I started a blog on wordpress. I just do not remember because I've done nearly all of my blogging through Google Blogger. As you can see, a few things in my life have changed since August 10, 2012. Max, my current basset hound is about nine years old and still in excellent health. I have grown in my relationship with the Lord and have also progressed in my writing. I still work part-time at my local public library, but am no longer a book consultant for a children's publishing company. I already have my certificate in children's literature and in two months I will have a bachelor's degree in English Literature. I still live at home, but only have one parent left. When I started this blog on wordpress, I had planned to stick to only a few topics which is how I came up with My 3 Bs: the Bible, Book, and Basset Hounds. As much as I love those three topics, I am too well-rounded to only be sticking to three topics, so Pieces of Me (the title of my first book) suits me perfectly. 

Well here's my first blog post ever and an attempt at sticking to a particular theme which I called My 3 Bs.

My 3 Bs represent my three greatest passions in life: the Bible (my relationship with Jesus Christ as my Savior), Books (my all-time favorite hobby), and Basset Hounds (I have one basset hound in heaven and one here on earth in my backyard).

I have thought and prayed about starting a blog for quite some time now and I just needed to make a decision. So here I am. I may not have the most exciting life on the planet but I know that my life is worth something to write about. I have so much in my life to write about and often do not know where to begin so I decided to start with my 3 Bs.

The Bible: I plan to write about my faith and the Book that represents that.

Books: My jobs revolve around books. I work part-time at my local public library and have recently become an independent consultant for a children’s publishing company. I have an AA degree in library science with a specialty in children’s literature (will receive my certificate in December). I am an avid reader (sometimes reading several books at the same time) and I hope to publish my works in the near future.

Basset Hounds: My favorite dog breed (I cannot resist those long, floppy ears, the sad looking eyes, and their awkard gait which just makes them so adorable). I have been a basset hound owner since November 2000 and am on my second basset now.

Hopefully my blogging can motivate me to pursue my passion for writing and if it’s meant to happen I could earn some extra money. After all I am somewhat of a starving artist (writer) who lives with her parents.

https://my3bs.wordpress.com/about/

Dream Dashers

It has been quite some time since my last post. As of lately, I'm still busy working on completing my bachelor's degree in English Literature. In less than three months I will finally graduate at the age of 40! Go me!

Back to my post about Dreams. This time I want to talk about dream dashers. Have you ever had people tell you that your hopes and dreams are ridiculous and to just forget about them? Those people are dream dashers. I've experienced quite a few throughout my life. Now if your dreams involve doing something immoral or illegal, that's another story. Maybe some of my hopes and dreams seem ridiculous and may also seem impossible, but with God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26 and Luke 18:27).

In spite of just turning 40 and not having had a date in over a decade, I am still believing God for a husband and a family of my own. Lately, some well-meaning people tell me, "You know you can always adopt." Turning that magic 4-0 does NOT mean the death of my indoor plumbing. I still want to have the chance to be a biological mother and I refuse to do artificial insemination. I want my future child to have a father, not a sperm donor. So lately, I have found that there are people who will discourage me from believing in what may seem impossible. Even though there are times when I feel beyond frustrated and just want to give up all hope on this matter, I am pushing myself to keep standing on God's Promises for me. If other people do not want to believe or stand in prayer with me, I will just distance myself from them because I do not need any more negativity in my life.

If I was praying for a particular man to be my husband but he is still married to someone else, then that is immorally wrong. If I was praying for my husband to look like a movie star and be a millionaire, that would be a selfish prayer. So back to dream dashers....

There's a friend of mine (who remains anonymous) who had once told me that she could not pray a specific prayer request I had. Several years ago at a women's bible study, we each wrote our prayer request on a piece of paper which we put into a basket. At the end of the service, each woman picked a piece of paper from the basket and that was who we were to pray for that entire week. One week I felt led (I hoped this was truly from God) to write my request about my hope for a husband and family before my child-bearing years ended. I was almost 36 at the time and maybe in a bit of a panic. Well, this friend got my paper and informed me she could not pray that for me because she said, "Maybe this is not God's will for you." Although I knew she was not mean-spirited about it and simply wanted to pray for God's will for me, I felt hurt. Other people throughout my life have stood in prayer for me on this matter and even though this desire of mine may seem ridiculous to some people, it is not immoral or illegal so why not pray for that? We pray for healing for people who are battling terminal cancer. Imagine if my friend told me she could not pray for God to heal me from Stage 4 cancer because that might not be His will. Now doesn't that sound cruel? Though our prayers may not get answered the way we hope they do, I believe we should pray for healing and God's other promises over our friends, family, coworkers, and anyone else we know.

One of my other dreams is to publish more books and in a time when people are reading less and turning to electronic devices for reading, I admit I am starting to feel a bit discouraged about writing. However, I am NOT going to let that stop me because I know God put that dream in my heart. So when I get more books out, I will also give my readers the option of Kindle format as I also read on a Kindle.

My point of this post is to remind myself and hopefully encourage my readers that you cannot let what people say or allow difficult circumstances to keep you from pursuing your dreams. Yes, there are many dreams that do not get fulfilled easily and within a certain time frame, but God is the God of making what seems impossible to possible. So dream big even though you cannot outdream what God has in store for you!

Time for Changes

I don't know if this is because spring is in the air which is when there happens to be lots of changes in life. The school year is coming to an end. The flowers are blooming and the trees are getting their green leaves again. Life brings changes every day whether they are good or bad, scary or exciting, or all of the above.

In my last blog, I talked about some thought changing views about my singleness and realizing that being single is not a problem. However, in the last month, I am realizing that I have remained stuck in my singleness for a long time. I have viewed it as a character defect. For a number of years, I've often been told to learn to be content as a single person. Well, I think I might have perfected that to the point where this has become my comfort zone. I'm so comfortable being single that I am petrified to change my ways. I don't want to go looking for someone because I believe God will bring the right person in His timing, yet I cannot remain afraid of the prospect of dating or trying to get my feet wet by getting to know other men. I am also realizing that I can no longer make excuses, which I have made many throughout the years. Some of these excuses include: There really isn't many single men around my age in my hometown (I cannot use that excuse anymore because the population is increasing a bit). Single men don't go to church and I refuse to enter the bar scene (Church does not have to be the only place to meet godly men and while the bar is not a place I want to go to, there are other places I can go to meet people). I am just not one of the lucky women who can easily get a guy without trying or I try to hard (I've got to find a middle ground). The worst excuse I have used for remaining single is horrible past experiences such as the abuse in my former marriage and other bad experiences with men. While I may appear to do all the right things which single Christians should be doing such as not engaging in premarital sex, relationship hopping, and compromising values and standards in exchange for companionship, I am using my spirituality as an excuse. I tend to find myself interested in single men (who are Christians) whom I don't see often and usually have to be the one to initiate contact because I feel in control and safe. When I sense that a man shows interest or seems to want to pursue me, I subconsciously back away because I am scared. I am scared that he might try to take advantage of me the way my ex did. I don't want anyone (especially men) to interfere with my boundaries. Yet, I have not allowed another man (since my ex) to get close enough for me to know what my boundaries are. How soon are they supposed to know that I do not want to kiss on the first date or even the third date? Maybe I don't want to let a man kiss me until I believe that he may be the one I want to spend my life with? When should I tell them I do not believe in premarital sex? I think one of the biggest mistakes I have made is telling them up front because they bolt when they know I am a practicing Christian who refuses to engage in premarital sex. It's been more than ten years since I had to be upfront about it. I had to set some boundaries because some man was trying to put the moves on me. He was respectful that evening, but I never heard from him again. Oh well, I had thought. That meant he was not the one. Many people (including Christian men) have told me that it does not matter if a man is a Christian, he will try to push a woman's boundaries. So, in my mind, no man is really safe to me, unless I'm related to him or he's married to one of my friends. Even the men old enough to be my father try to put the moves on me, when I think they should go after someone their own age. (Just my opinion).

After a visit with my counselor yesterday and a iron-sharpening talk with a friend the day before, I am seeing the changes in me that need to be made. I am frightened and no longer feel that I can be safe again. If I did not want to be married with a family of my own, I may just be happy to remain single and avoid men (except in a platonic way). Yet, I cannot do that because the desire for marriage and a family is attached to my heart. Unfortunately, my fears have overpowered those desires and while I thought that at least I was not making the same stupid relationship mistakes like a lot of people, I have been making different kind of mistakes. For example, instead of completely letting my guard down and compromising my Christian beliefs, I went to the opposite end after my divorce. I put up far more than boundaries; I put up walls so high that a man would have to climb up far into the sky just to reach me.

One of the big changes in my life will be turning 40 in June. This feels kind of scary because I know that time is running out and I really want to be married with a baby of my own. I am mad at myself for allowing fear to overtake my desires. In order to make the changes I need to make, I feel that I am in a race against time and that makes me even more hesitant to change. Not only do I need to make a few changes in my physical appearance (wear more makeup, spend more time on my hair) but I also need to step out of my comfort zone and pay more attention to other single men and forget about the one who leaves all the initiating up to me. I'll still be friends with that one man, but I feel that I must move on and find someone who wants a relationship with me. I also want a relationship with him (whomever he is). I believe I can still have my standards and preferences yet I need to give more men a chance. In the past, I have not liked the choices people have wanted for me because the men were either too old for me, lived too far away, or they did not share my Christian beliefs. While age difference, geographical distance, and differing spiritual views may not matter to some (or many) people, they matter to me. I want a man closer to my age because I want someone I can grow old with and hopefully raise a family with. I don't want someone that lives too far away, unless I may already know them and the right man must share the same spiritual beliefs as me. The Bible says that people should not be unequally yoked. Even though my first husband was a Christian, neither one of us put God in the center of our relationship. This next time around, I want a man who loves God and puts Him first in his life.

For those of you who might be reading this post, please keep me in prayer and I pray for those of you who need a push in the right direction that God will give you boldness, wisdom, and discernment in making the right changes.

Enjoy being single

I'm back! I know it's been awhile since my last post but life had been hectic with college, work, and church activities. Yet as usual, my mind is busy with lots of thoughts and ideas to write about. Lately, I feel that God has been giving me a lot of personal revelations, some which are too intense to reveal in this blog.

In less than three months, I will be turning the big 4-0. This should not be dreaded because at least I'm here to celebrate another birthday and begin a new decade. Although I am not where I had hoped to be by this age, I still believe that God is not finished with fulfilling my biggest hopes and dreams. The other week as I attended a women's conference at a local church, God reminded me that if I feel that I have to make something happen within a certain amount of time, then it is not from Him. During my early 20s, I pulled a Sarah (Abraham's wife) by getting married to my ex (who I now refer to as my Ishmael) because I thought that he was my only chance at finding love. Note: For those of you who might not be familiar with the book of Genesis, Sarah was past childbearing age when God told her husband Abraham that they would have a child of their own. Yet it would be a number of years before their promised child Isaac was born. In the meantime, Sarah was getting impatient and insisted that her maid Hagar sleep with Abraham so she could bear a child (whom was Ishmael). Sarah never consulted God on this matter and thought she was helping God by making things happen in a certain amount of time because she still had not gotten pregnant.

Well, my Ishmael marriage only lasted less that three years in which some abuse occurred and I knew it was for the better that I leave. Now, it has been almost fourteen years since my divorce and I still have not had a single relationship. Off and on throughout my single-again years, I had thought that something was wrong with me. I am a nice-looking woman, intelligent, kind, and have a lot of great qualities. So why has there not been anyone for me? I have been through counseling to help me get past the trauma of an abusive relationship (my marriage) and deal with my insecurities. Just yesterday as I was in a counseling session, I had an epiphany! As I was explaining again how hard it was for me to find the right man and it just did not make sense to me how so many people around me can easily find someone, my counselor told me something profound. Oh yeah, I've heard it several times but it did not quite sink in until yesterday. She said something like this to me, "Every one can have someone and find someone easily when they do not set boundaries and hook up with the first person they see." In the past people have told me I could have any guy I wanted. I just have to go to a bar and poof I can find anyone, but I have standards and I do not want just anyone. My counselor also told me that she counsels many women who are in all types of unhealthy relationships because they think they need someone in order to be happy. Yet, they are not happy in their relationships. A previous psychiatrist I had seen in the past told me that 95% of people he has counseled feel they have to have a relationship in order to be happy. Yet, they are not happy. So, maybe I do not have a problem after all. I  would rather be the person who has difficulty finding someone than those who are constantly in relationships that are unhealthy and unhappy. I also know that I need to continue working on being happy regardless of my relationship status.

Throughout these last fourteen years, I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I deal with, yet I need to not mistake contentment with comfort. If I remain too comfortable in my life, it will be difficult for me to move forward. For now I am trying to discern between contentment and comfort. At this point in my life, I am okay where I am at and turning 40 is not so scary to me after all. Even though my biological clocking is ticking, I am not so desperate to find someone just so I can hurry up with marriage and try to pop out a baby before my eggs run out. God knows the desires of my heart and I believe that in His perfect timing, I will be married and have a baby in the near future. Yet, I am no longer on the hunt to find a man because God will bring him when the time is right.

What does the right time look like? In the past, people have told me that God would not bring the right man to me until I was completely healed from my divorce or until I was perfectly operating in my spiritual gifts. If that was really the case, then many people would still be single. I have come to realize that I do not have to have it all together in order for the right man to come along. I am still working on being at my best with God's help and living my life for Him.