My very first blog post from wordpress

This post came up in my memory feed on Facebook today. It has been exactly four years since I started a blog and I am surprised I started a blog on wordpress. I just do not remember because I've done nearly all of my blogging through Google Blogger. As you can see, a few things in my life have changed since August 10, 2012. Max, my current basset hound is about nine years old and still in excellent health. I have grown in my relationship with the Lord and have also progressed in my writing. I still work part-time at my local public library, but am no longer a book consultant for a children's publishing company. I already have my certificate in children's literature and in two months I will have a bachelor's degree in English Literature. I still live at home, but only have one parent left. When I started this blog on wordpress, I had planned to stick to only a few topics which is how I came up with My 3 Bs: the Bible, Book, and Basset Hounds. As much as I love those three topics, I am too well-rounded to only be sticking to three topics, so Pieces of Me (the title of my first book) suits me perfectly. 

Well here's my first blog post ever and an attempt at sticking to a particular theme which I called My 3 Bs.

My 3 Bs represent my three greatest passions in life: the Bible (my relationship with Jesus Christ as my Savior), Books (my all-time favorite hobby), and Basset Hounds (I have one basset hound in heaven and one here on earth in my backyard).

I have thought and prayed about starting a blog for quite some time now and I just needed to make a decision. So here I am. I may not have the most exciting life on the planet but I know that my life is worth something to write about. I have so much in my life to write about and often do not know where to begin so I decided to start with my 3 Bs.

The Bible: I plan to write about my faith and the Book that represents that.

Books: My jobs revolve around books. I work part-time at my local public library and have recently become an independent consultant for a children’s publishing company. I have an AA degree in library science with a specialty in children’s literature (will receive my certificate in December). I am an avid reader (sometimes reading several books at the same time) and I hope to publish my works in the near future.

Basset Hounds: My favorite dog breed (I cannot resist those long, floppy ears, the sad looking eyes, and their awkard gait which just makes them so adorable). I have been a basset hound owner since November 2000 and am on my second basset now.

Hopefully my blogging can motivate me to pursue my passion for writing and if it’s meant to happen I could earn some extra money. After all I am somewhat of a starving artist (writer) who lives with her parents.

https://my3bs.wordpress.com/about/

Dream Dashers

It has been quite some time since my last post. As of lately, I'm still busy working on completing my bachelor's degree in English Literature. In less than three months I will finally graduate at the age of 40! Go me!

Back to my post about Dreams. This time I want to talk about dream dashers. Have you ever had people tell you that your hopes and dreams are ridiculous and to just forget about them? Those people are dream dashers. I've experienced quite a few throughout my life. Now if your dreams involve doing something immoral or illegal, that's another story. Maybe some of my hopes and dreams seem ridiculous and may also seem impossible, but with God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26 and Luke 18:27).

In spite of just turning 40 and not having had a date in over a decade, I am still believing God for a husband and a family of my own. Lately, some well-meaning people tell me, "You know you can always adopt." Turning that magic 4-0 does NOT mean the death of my indoor plumbing. I still want to have the chance to be a biological mother and I refuse to do artificial insemination. I want my future child to have a father, not a sperm donor. So lately, I have found that there are people who will discourage me from believing in what may seem impossible. Even though there are times when I feel beyond frustrated and just want to give up all hope on this matter, I am pushing myself to keep standing on God's Promises for me. If other people do not want to believe or stand in prayer with me, I will just distance myself from them because I do not need any more negativity in my life.

If I was praying for a particular man to be my husband but he is still married to someone else, then that is immorally wrong. If I was praying for my husband to look like a movie star and be a millionaire, that would be a selfish prayer. So back to dream dashers....

There's a friend of mine (who remains anonymous) who had once told me that she could not pray a specific prayer request I had. Several years ago at a women's bible study, we each wrote our prayer request on a piece of paper which we put into a basket. At the end of the service, each woman picked a piece of paper from the basket and that was who we were to pray for that entire week. One week I felt led (I hoped this was truly from God) to write my request about my hope for a husband and family before my child-bearing years ended. I was almost 36 at the time and maybe in a bit of a panic. Well, this friend got my paper and informed me she could not pray that for me because she said, "Maybe this is not God's will for you." Although I knew she was not mean-spirited about it and simply wanted to pray for God's will for me, I felt hurt. Other people throughout my life have stood in prayer for me on this matter and even though this desire of mine may seem ridiculous to some people, it is not immoral or illegal so why not pray for that? We pray for healing for people who are battling terminal cancer. Imagine if my friend told me she could not pray for God to heal me from Stage 4 cancer because that might not be His will. Now doesn't that sound cruel? Though our prayers may not get answered the way we hope they do, I believe we should pray for healing and God's other promises over our friends, family, coworkers, and anyone else we know.

One of my other dreams is to publish more books and in a time when people are reading less and turning to electronic devices for reading, I admit I am starting to feel a bit discouraged about writing. However, I am NOT going to let that stop me because I know God put that dream in my heart. So when I get more books out, I will also give my readers the option of Kindle format as I also read on a Kindle.

My point of this post is to remind myself and hopefully encourage my readers that you cannot let what people say or allow difficult circumstances to keep you from pursuing your dreams. Yes, there are many dreams that do not get fulfilled easily and within a certain time frame, but God is the God of making what seems impossible to possible. So dream big even though you cannot outdream what God has in store for you!

Time for Changes

I don't know if this is because spring is in the air which is when there happens to be lots of changes in life. The school year is coming to an end. The flowers are blooming and the trees are getting their green leaves again. Life brings changes every day whether they are good or bad, scary or exciting, or all of the above.

In my last blog, I talked about some thought changing views about my singleness and realizing that being single is not a problem. However, in the last month, I am realizing that I have remained stuck in my singleness for a long time. I have viewed it as a character defect. For a number of years, I've often been told to learn to be content as a single person. Well, I think I might have perfected that to the point where this has become my comfort zone. I'm so comfortable being single that I am petrified to change my ways. I don't want to go looking for someone because I believe God will bring the right person in His timing, yet I cannot remain afraid of the prospect of dating or trying to get my feet wet by getting to know other men. I am also realizing that I can no longer make excuses, which I have made many throughout the years. Some of these excuses include: There really isn't many single men around my age in my hometown (I cannot use that excuse anymore because the population is increasing a bit). Single men don't go to church and I refuse to enter the bar scene (Church does not have to be the only place to meet godly men and while the bar is not a place I want to go to, there are other places I can go to meet people). I am just not one of the lucky women who can easily get a guy without trying or I try to hard (I've got to find a middle ground). The worst excuse I have used for remaining single is horrible past experiences such as the abuse in my former marriage and other bad experiences with men. While I may appear to do all the right things which single Christians should be doing such as not engaging in premarital sex, relationship hopping, and compromising values and standards in exchange for companionship, I am using my spirituality as an excuse. I tend to find myself interested in single men (who are Christians) whom I don't see often and usually have to be the one to initiate contact because I feel in control and safe. When I sense that a man shows interest or seems to want to pursue me, I subconsciously back away because I am scared. I am scared that he might try to take advantage of me the way my ex did. I don't want anyone (especially men) to interfere with my boundaries. Yet, I have not allowed another man (since my ex) to get close enough for me to know what my boundaries are. How soon are they supposed to know that I do not want to kiss on the first date or even the third date? Maybe I don't want to let a man kiss me until I believe that he may be the one I want to spend my life with? When should I tell them I do not believe in premarital sex? I think one of the biggest mistakes I have made is telling them up front because they bolt when they know I am a practicing Christian who refuses to engage in premarital sex. It's been more than ten years since I had to be upfront about it. I had to set some boundaries because some man was trying to put the moves on me. He was respectful that evening, but I never heard from him again. Oh well, I had thought. That meant he was not the one. Many people (including Christian men) have told me that it does not matter if a man is a Christian, he will try to push a woman's boundaries. So, in my mind, no man is really safe to me, unless I'm related to him or he's married to one of my friends. Even the men old enough to be my father try to put the moves on me, when I think they should go after someone their own age. (Just my opinion).

After a visit with my counselor yesterday and a iron-sharpening talk with a friend the day before, I am seeing the changes in me that need to be made. I am frightened and no longer feel that I can be safe again. If I did not want to be married with a family of my own, I may just be happy to remain single and avoid men (except in a platonic way). Yet, I cannot do that because the desire for marriage and a family is attached to my heart. Unfortunately, my fears have overpowered those desires and while I thought that at least I was not making the same stupid relationship mistakes like a lot of people, I have been making different kind of mistakes. For example, instead of completely letting my guard down and compromising my Christian beliefs, I went to the opposite end after my divorce. I put up far more than boundaries; I put up walls so high that a man would have to climb up far into the sky just to reach me.

One of the big changes in my life will be turning 40 in June. This feels kind of scary because I know that time is running out and I really want to be married with a baby of my own. I am mad at myself for allowing fear to overtake my desires. In order to make the changes I need to make, I feel that I am in a race against time and that makes me even more hesitant to change. Not only do I need to make a few changes in my physical appearance (wear more makeup, spend more time on my hair) but I also need to step out of my comfort zone and pay more attention to other single men and forget about the one who leaves all the initiating up to me. I'll still be friends with that one man, but I feel that I must move on and find someone who wants a relationship with me. I also want a relationship with him (whomever he is). I believe I can still have my standards and preferences yet I need to give more men a chance. In the past, I have not liked the choices people have wanted for me because the men were either too old for me, lived too far away, or they did not share my Christian beliefs. While age difference, geographical distance, and differing spiritual views may not matter to some (or many) people, they matter to me. I want a man closer to my age because I want someone I can grow old with and hopefully raise a family with. I don't want someone that lives too far away, unless I may already know them and the right man must share the same spiritual beliefs as me. The Bible says that people should not be unequally yoked. Even though my first husband was a Christian, neither one of us put God in the center of our relationship. This next time around, I want a man who loves God and puts Him first in his life.

For those of you who might be reading this post, please keep me in prayer and I pray for those of you who need a push in the right direction that God will give you boldness, wisdom, and discernment in making the right changes.

Enjoy being single

I'm back! I know it's been awhile since my last post but life had been hectic with college, work, and church activities. Yet as usual, my mind is busy with lots of thoughts and ideas to write about. Lately, I feel that God has been giving me a lot of personal revelations, some which are too intense to reveal in this blog.

In less than three months, I will be turning the big 4-0. This should not be dreaded because at least I'm here to celebrate another birthday and begin a new decade. Although I am not where I had hoped to be by this age, I still believe that God is not finished with fulfilling my biggest hopes and dreams. The other week as I attended a women's conference at a local church, God reminded me that if I feel that I have to make something happen within a certain amount of time, then it is not from Him. During my early 20s, I pulled a Sarah (Abraham's wife) by getting married to my ex (who I now refer to as my Ishmael) because I thought that he was my only chance at finding love. Note: For those of you who might not be familiar with the book of Genesis, Sarah was past childbearing age when God told her husband Abraham that they would have a child of their own. Yet it would be a number of years before their promised child Isaac was born. In the meantime, Sarah was getting impatient and insisted that her maid Hagar sleep with Abraham so she could bear a child (whom was Ishmael). Sarah never consulted God on this matter and thought she was helping God by making things happen in a certain amount of time because she still had not gotten pregnant.

Well, my Ishmael marriage only lasted less that three years in which some abuse occurred and I knew it was for the better that I leave. Now, it has been almost fourteen years since my divorce and I still have not had a single relationship. Off and on throughout my single-again years, I had thought that something was wrong with me. I am a nice-looking woman, intelligent, kind, and have a lot of great qualities. So why has there not been anyone for me? I have been through counseling to help me get past the trauma of an abusive relationship (my marriage) and deal with my insecurities. Just yesterday as I was in a counseling session, I had an epiphany! As I was explaining again how hard it was for me to find the right man and it just did not make sense to me how so many people around me can easily find someone, my counselor told me something profound. Oh yeah, I've heard it several times but it did not quite sink in until yesterday. She said something like this to me, "Every one can have someone and find someone easily when they do not set boundaries and hook up with the first person they see." In the past people have told me I could have any guy I wanted. I just have to go to a bar and poof I can find anyone, but I have standards and I do not want just anyone. My counselor also told me that she counsels many women who are in all types of unhealthy relationships because they think they need someone in order to be happy. Yet, they are not happy in their relationships. A previous psychiatrist I had seen in the past told me that 95% of people he has counseled feel they have to have a relationship in order to be happy. Yet, they are not happy. So, maybe I do not have a problem after all. I  would rather be the person who has difficulty finding someone than those who are constantly in relationships that are unhealthy and unhappy. I also know that I need to continue working on being happy regardless of my relationship status.

Throughout these last fourteen years, I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I deal with, yet I need to not mistake contentment with comfort. If I remain too comfortable in my life, it will be difficult for me to move forward. For now I am trying to discern between contentment and comfort. At this point in my life, I am okay where I am at and turning 40 is not so scary to me after all. Even though my biological clocking is ticking, I am not so desperate to find someone just so I can hurry up with marriage and try to pop out a baby before my eggs run out. God knows the desires of my heart and I believe that in His perfect timing, I will be married and have a baby in the near future. Yet, I am no longer on the hunt to find a man because God will bring him when the time is right.

What does the right time look like? In the past, people have told me that God would not bring the right man to me until I was completely healed from my divorce or until I was perfectly operating in my spiritual gifts. If that was really the case, then many people would still be single. I have come to realize that I do not have to have it all together in order for the right man to come along. I am still working on being at my best with God's help and living my life for Him.

Substituting Thoughts and Words with Scripture

Substituting Thoughts and Words with Scripture

            As a child, Daniel and I were not allowed to say cuss words at all. If we did say a certain cuss word, then we owed our parents a penny. But what if I was so upset that I did not know what other word to say instead of sh*#, hell, damn, or the f-word? Mom told my brother and me that we could say other words to replace those cuss words. Instead of saying, sh#@ we could say shoot or shucks. Hell was heck, damn was dang or darn, but there was nothing to replace the f-word. As an adult, I have come up with some creative words to use instead of the f-bomb. Even to this day, I try not to use cuss words because I think they are unladylike and as a Christian, I want to be an effective witness for Christ.

            Another way for me to be an effective witness is to be careful about any word (not just swear words) that comes out of my mouth. These words could be negative self-talk such as doubt, fear, depression, etc. Just like using "shoot" or "shucks" in place of swear words, we have the option to use positive words and Scripture to replace the negativity that we might be tempted to say. It is not just the words we say, but also the thoughts we think. As Joyce Meyer often says, "Where the mind goes, the man follows." Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."

            As for my thought life, I must make sure my thoughts line up with the Word of God. For most of my life, I have struggled with depression, low self-esteem, and negative thoughts. I used to think that if my circumstances improved, then the depression, low self-esteem, and negative thoughts would disappear. Over the years I have learned that God is more concerned with changing my heart than my circumstances. I admit that it feels like a LOT of work to change my thought patterns and the words which come out of my mouth. Making changes takes discipline and hard work, but in the end the results of having a positive outlook on life are worth it. I must remember to throw off every hindrance that may cause me to sin and run with perseverance the race that is marked for me as I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12: 1-2). Below are some examples of replacing the negative with God's Word.

Combatting the Negativity with God's Word

Instead of saying:                                                                  Say:

I can't do this or that.                          I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.                                                                                                         (Philippians 4:13)

My circumstances will never change.             Even though God is the same yesterday, today, and                                                                                     tomorrow, everything else in life changes.

I wish I was prettier, smarter, etc.      I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

I'm afraid.                                           God has not given me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love,                                                                 power, and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

Think before I speak or write

These past few days of posting new blogs have got me thinking about this above picture, which I found on Facebook. I have been on my soapbox about a controversial movie coming to the theaters on Valentine's Day weekend and also trying to encourage more people to see another kind of movie that is not at all controversial. As I carefully write this post, I must consider each of these questions.

T- Is this true?

It is true that a certain movie (whose original rating was NC-17) is about bondage and other forms of sadomasochism. I know this because I've talked to several people who have read the books in this trilogy. Unfortunately, I got a detailed account about the books which is more than I really wanted to know. As for the movie, I've gone to IMDB (Internet Movie Database) and looked up the movie's ratings. I've also seen the movie's trailer on TV and read a few articles regarding this movie.

H- Is this helpful?

I admit that getting on my soapbox and complaining about the sinful ways of this world is not helpful. The best way I can be helpful is by informing people about the negativity of viewing pornographic films. I can share my testimony as to why I am against this type of mainstream movie coming to many theaters. Although I am not against consenting adults viewing this type of movie, I am more concerned for the younger generation because our society has not accurately portrayed healthy, romantic relationships in the media. The movie that I really encourage people to see is about a 30something couple who meet and take their time getting to know one another before getting physical. The media (books, TV, movies, reality shows) often portrays couples jumping into bed before marriage. 

I- Is this inspiring?

I am afraid I have not been aiming to inspire in these last few posts. However, I hope that getting the message out about Old Fashioned, the movie I want people to see, will inspire others to see this movie. I just wish there was more information about this movie besides a few movie trailers, which have already inspired me. I believe that people will enjoy this light-hearted romance as well as see what a healthy relationship is. Being that my only relationship (which I had in my twenties) was not at all a healthy one and some of the issues I dealt with were traumatizing, I want to learn more about God-centered, healthy relationships. I want this younger generation to know and understand that romantic relationships are about mutual respect and treating one another with kindness. I also want people to know that romantic relationships do not need to be physical (meaning sexual activity) until marriage.

N- Is this necessary?

Yes and no. It's a free country so I have the right to my opinion as well as others do. What irritates me is that a number of people seem more offended when there are posts on Facebook or other social network sites, blogs, or articles that speak out against pornography, abortion, and other evils in this world. These people seem to become more opinionated and angry at those who stand up for their Christian beliefs. So, as a woman who is against pornography, my voice needs to be heard. I am also outraged that this controversial movie is coming to my once conservative hometown instead of the movie that promotes good, Christian values.

Maybe, this is not necessary for me to jump on my soapbox and complain about a trilogy of books that I will never read or a movie I will never see. Unfortunately, people want to stick their heads in the sand and say things like, "If you don't like the movie, then don't watch it." That's not the point! I am trying to express that pornography has ended marriages (including mine) and seems to be everywhere (from billboards in large cities to the Internet). It is being shoved into the minds of our younger generation when the movie trailers of this film come on at all hours of the day on TV. Whatever happened to the days when stuff like that was not on TV until late at night after the children were in bed?

K- Is this kind?

That depends on the individual who reads this post. It is kind in promoting Old Fashioned and informing people who want to watch clean entertainment that it exists, but not at enough theaters in the USA. The fans of the trilogy and those wanting to see this controversial film, may not take kindly to what I have to say. But, so what? I cannot please all the people all the time. I have tried to make my point without judging those who have read the trilogies and those who want to see the movie. If they are over the age of 18, they can do whatever they want. What I am against is the false advertising of this controversial film. Just call it what it is: porn disguised as romance! Not true romance, unless you find S & M and bondage romantic.

Old-Fashioned, the alternative to Fifty Shades of Grey

Just yesterday I was on my soapbox about Fifty Shades of Grey being hyped up as a must-see romance on Valentine's Day. Well, today I want to promote a lesser-known movie that I would love to see and encourage others to view this film instead of Fifty Shades of Grey.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine invited me to like Old Fashioned on Facebook. Out of curiosity I checked out the page before clicking the "like" button. I want to give a huge shout out to my friend Sara (hopefully, she will read this blog) for inviting me to like Old Fashioned.

Had I known about this independent Christian film sooner, I would probably have pushed to promote this movie and encourage my local movie theater to show it on Valentine's Day weekend. Unfortunately, Fifty Shades of Grey might be hitting the theater in my small hometown. I live in the Southwestern part of the United States and not too far from the Bible Belt of Texas.

From viewing the movie trailers, Old Fashioned is a Christian movie about dating God's way. This movie may not be filled with tons of excitement and seem unrealistic in the secular dating world, but it is time for this generation to learn about the kind of relationships that God had originally intended for men and women. I believe that seeing a different way of dating would be refreshing and I could also learn some things from this movie which I might take into consideration regarding  my future relationship.

After having messed up in the romance department during my twenties, I rededicated my life to the Lord and resolved to do things I believe to be His way. God intended for people to save themselves sexually for their spouses. I can understand the challenges of remaining sexually pure as a single-again Christian in a secular world. Unfortunately, sex is everywhere in this culture, from billboard signs to books to the Internet. So now does explicit sex have to invade our movie theaters? Before I jump back on my soapbox, I checked my local theater's website and do not know for certain whether Fifty Shades of Grey will come to my theater. I'm praying that it does not. Luckily my theater was not on the list to pre-order tickets for this movie.

So back to the main purpose of this post: To encourage people to see Old Fashioned! This would be an excellent film for youth groups (high school age and older) to see. I wish I had known more about the old-fashioned kind of dating when I was a teenager and in my early twenties (especially before I went on my first date). I think that it is important for single people (of all ages) to learn how to communicate effectively with the opposite sex in a platonic way before consenting to a dating relationship. Since every person is different and every love story is different, I will not say how long one should know someone before agreeing to be in a dating relationship. I will say that I want to do things different the next time around. As I've mentioned earlier, I had messed up tremendously in my one and only relationship during my twenties. Because I want to do things God's way (which may seem outdated and old-fashioned to many people), I have found it challenging to meet single men around my age who share similar values with me. Therefore, I have not bothered with dating for well over a decade.

I may have to drive to another town to view Old Fashioned which I believe will be worth it. Below I will post a link to the movie's website.

http://oldfashionedmovie.com/

On my soapbox about Fifty Shades of Grey

Right now, I am furious about the hype of the soon-to-be released movie Fifty Shades of Grey. What is this world coming to? I know that I should not judge a movie that is based on a trilogy of books that I have never read. But, I know that this book is pornography for women. I read the book reviews and talked with people who have read the books. 

As a single, Christian woman, I refuse to read books that I know contain graphic sex in them. I do not want my mind to go places where it has absolutely no business going. I already have an overactive imagination so I do not need any more help. What I cannot understand about Fifty Shades of Grey, is that there are Christians reading these books and they will probably see the movie when it comes out on February 13th. Movie trailers are advertising this film as a romance and trying to hype it up specifically for Valentines' Day. This infuriates me, because there is nothing romantic about sadomasochism and domination in a relationship. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV).

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. 

The love that I am reading about in God's word is far from the kind of love that the world portrays. I am saddened that Fifty Shades of Grey is promoting what they consider romance. After reading several reviews about the book and movie, I discovered that the leading lady (Ana) has been exposed to the dark world of sexual bondage, domination, and control from her "contract" lover Christian Grey. Although a woman may enjoy receiving expensive gifts from a handsome, wealthy man, there is nothing romantic about being a sex slave and enduring some of the harsh acts that Ana endured. How can anyone consider this romantic? This is not the kind of love God wants us to experience. 

Love is patient. From what I've heard about this movie, there is nothing patient about the relationship of Ana and Christian. They have sex outside of marriage. True love waits. Love is kind. How is it considered kind to tie up someone you are supposed to care about with chains and handcuffs? It (love) does not envy- Christian stalks Ana so I see jealousy in this relationship.

It does not boast, it is not proud. This 'contract' that Christian has drawn up for Ana appears to be an attitude of pride and control. It does not dishonor others-When Christian puts all of these demands on Ana, stalks her, etc., he is not honoring her. It is not self-seeking-Christian seems to be using Ana for his own selfish desires and she enjoys getting expensive gifts from him. It is not easily angered- Bondage and other forms of S & M seem to stem from unresolved anger issues. It keeps no records of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. All I have read about from the book and movie reviews shows that evil is glorified in this story. 

It always protects- When you love someone, you would do anything to protect them from harm rather than expose them to the darkness of S & M. It always trusts- When people love each other, they do not need to use tracking devices to find out where the other person is at all times. It always hopes, always perseveres. Although Ana seems to be seduced by Christian's spell on her, she appears heartbroken and hopeless at the end of the first book. Somehow, she seems to persevere and then two more book sequels follow. However, a person should not have to endure and tough it out in an unhealthy relationship. If they want things to work out, it is important to seek godly counsel. 

Love never fails. I just don't understand how Ana manages to stay with Christian when their 'contract' relationship sounds like a complete failure. 

I will get off my soapbox right now and pray that this movie flops at the box office. Hopefully more people will realize that the hype of this movie is not really all that it's cracked up to be.

For more reviews, here are a few links.

http://www.charismamag.com/blogs/fire-in-my-bones/22398-let-s-call-fifty-shades-of-grey-what-it-is-perverted

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/wives/fifty-shades-of-caution#.VNGurZ3F9qU

I'm not Josie Grossy anymore!

Here's a famous line from one of my favorite movies, Never Been Kissed: Drew Barrymore's character shouts, "I'M NOT JOSIE GROSSY ANYMORE!"



After seeing this movie, for probably the dozenth or so time, I am more reminded about my awkward teen years as my 20th year high school reunion is coming up this summer. I was never considered popular among my peers and I don't think guys ever considered me pretty. If they did, I never knew about it and I was rarely asked out on dates back in high school. However, I was not as awkward as "Josie" was in her teen years. I was somewhat on the shy side, got teased quite a bit, and lived somewhat of a sheltered life. I was not allowed to date until I was 16 (that was my sophomore year) and by then I could finally wear as much makeup as I wanted. Although I tried to look my best and sort of fit in fashionably with the other girls, I felt that I never measured up. None of my clothes were name brand because I bought what was affordable with my allowance money. I could never get my hair to look just right and my makeup often faded by the end of 2nd hour sophomore gym class. I admit that the thought of attending my reunion almost feels similar to Josie Gellar (Drew's character) going back to high school as an investigative, undercover reporter posing as a high school student. However, I must realize that "I am not Josie Grossy (an awkward teenager) anymore!"

I must remind myself that "in Christ, I am a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." (New King James Version) 

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Hello readers!

I have decided to reactivate my Pinterest account. I wanted to look for some craft ideas for a church project. The google search listed several links to Pinterest so I decided to get back on Pinterest again. It has probably been more than two years since I've been on that site. I began an account mainly for my Usborne Books business, which I no longer have. I figured that as a self-published author and a blogger, using this account will motivate me to focus more on my writing in addition to focusing on my education.

I just need something productive to do. Hopefully you will find me on Pinterest under Pieces of Me.

Have a great day!

Laura Hughes

 http://www.pinterest.com/laurasbooks/

20 Years Later

It's hard to believe that this summer will be my 20th year class reunion. I am not 100% sure if I am going even though it will be in the town I live in. I did not go to my 10 year reunion because I had been divorced a few years and felt embarrassed about my 'divorced' status. Looking back that probably would not have mattered to anyone because later, I found out that quite a few other classmates were also divorced. I'm sure that at this upcoming reunion, some of my classmates may have different spouses than they had at the 10 year reunion.

It is interesting how we think our lives should be when we reach a certain age or milestone in life. Twenty years ago, I believed that I had my future figured out. I would begin cosmetology school in my hometown several weeks after high school graduation. A year later, I would graduate and find work as a hairdresser in this same hometown. Maybe I would get married, but I was not interested in having children. I just wanted to be a career woman. If I did not get married by a certain age (maybe 25), I wanted to venture out to Hollywood and became a celebrity hairstylist. I really did not want to think about how my life would be ten or even twenty years later.

Part of my 'plan' turned out the way I thought it should when I graduated from cosmetology school in 1996 and a few months later found a salon job in town. However, I hardly made any money for the seven months I had worked there so I quit. I was not able to find any salon jobs at all, so I tried whatever minimum-wage job I could get. I landed a gig at the local Tastee Freeze but after my two-week probationary period, I was let go because I did not seem to be able to get the hang of working the cash register. I was not fast enough and I felt like my supervisor did not take enough time to train me more efficiently. I continued to apply for more jobs (both minimum wage and salon) in my hometown and still could not find one after three months of unemployment. At the age of 21, I did what I had to do to get any job. I left my hometown for the Phoenix area (I had previously lived there during my younger years and had lots of family there) and within a week of living there, I got a job in a sandwich shop. After getting my Arizona cosmetology license, I found a salon job which I stayed at for eight months before finding a better one. After having lived with my grandparents for awhile, I found a studio apartment and was proud that I could make it on my own financially.

Surprisingly, I got married at the age of 23 so my dreams of becoming a Hollywood hairdresser were pretty much over. I had not even thought about them until writing this post. When I got married, I felt like I was now following the blueprint of life properly. By that time, quite a number of my classmates had already married and even had children. I was still not interested in having children. I just wanted to focus on my career, my marriage, and even my education (still did not have a clue what direction I wanted to go in). I thought I had it all and fantasized about my 10 year reunion. I would have somebody and show the guys who made fun of me that I was worthy of having a husband.

At the age of 26, I no longer cared about having someone because I got divorced. My marriage was an unhealthy one and I realized that I was much better off being single. It would still be a few more years before my 10 year reunion so I had to work on slimming down (I had probably put on 25 pounds since high school). I thought that by then I would have a date to the reunion. I believed that since somebody wanted me at one time, someone else would want me again.

In 2005, I was now living a few hours from my hometown and probably would not make the reunion. I had considered going but I chickened out for petty reasons. I was still not slim enough, therefore I felt ugly and more unattractive than I did back in high school (In those days, I was by no means considered a hot chick) and I was divorced. Still had not found anyone else after being divorced for nearly three years. Nah, I decided not to go. I just let my friend tell me everything about our 10 year reunion.

According to my friend, a good number (probably over 100) of our classmates showed up to the reunion. On the first night, everyone seemed chummy and excited to catch up with one another. Then by the end of the second (and last) evening, many people were back in their old cliques again. So, I don't feel as though I missed out. I just did not want my old insecurities from high school to resurface. I just did not think that ten years later I would still have low self-esteem issues even though I was now a rededicated, born-again Christian. I was also living on my own and supporting myself financially so that was something to show for. Two years after the 10 year reunion, I moved back to my hometown so I could be with my parents. When I encountered former classmates who still lived in the area, I was surprised that the majority of them did not attend the reunion. Some responses I heard: "I did not want to be around a bunch of stuck-up rich people who still thought they were better than everyone else." "I see the people that I want to see so I don't need to go to a ten-year reunion." My friend had informed me that she would not be going to our 20 year reunion. As for me, I'm still debating.


 Reasons I would like to go:

1. Just to say that I went to a class reunion
2. I no longer care that I probably do not fit the typical blueprint of where I should probably be in my life.
3. I live in this town and it's not like I have to travel or find a hotel.
4. I am curious to see what my classmates are up to even though I see the majority of them on facebook.
5. Since I missed out on prom and graduation (both my choices), I want to revisit an old chapter in my life and make peace with it.
6. I am in much better shape than I was ten years earlier and feel more confident about my appearance.

Reasons to forget about going:

1. I do not drink and am uncomfortable around drinking (which is the norm at most class reunions).
2. I will probably be dateless among many who aren't.
3. In spite of what I said about the #2 reason I would like to go, I feel a bit insecure that I am probably one of the few classmates who is still childless and I am not going to consider my dog as my child.

 Forget about the reasons I do not want to go and just go for crying out loud!

Why should I care that I may not be exactly where I had hoped to be in life? Around the time of my 10-year reunion, I had hoped that by my 20-year reunion I would be married and maybe have at least one child. Instead, I am still single, live with my widowed mother and my dog. I have a part-time job that I really, really love and am attending college. Despite how I thought I would always be a hairdresser twenty years ago, I decided to take a different career path in my early 30s and do not regret that at all.

I must also realize that the insecurities I sometimes struggle with are only in my head and others also struggle with insecurities that may be similar to mine or are entirely different. In the meantime, I will work hard to maintain my slimmer shape. Maybe even try to slim down a bit more. As for trying to find a date, I am not going to force the issue. It's possible that I could find my date at the reunion.

Happy 2015!

Hello readers and Happy 2015!

May your year be a blessed one and full of many promises that will come to pass. When life gets busy or in a rut, it can be easy to forget about working towards goals. In my case, I have been meaning to post more on my blog, but I got busy with life and in somewhat of a rut. Since I think that New Years' resolutions are highly over-rated and a way for companies such as gyms, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, etc., to make more money, I don't make resolutions such as exercise more, go on a diet, etc. I am already an avid exerciser, have been on a gluten-free diet for almost a year now (not a weight loss goal, just trying to stay healthy), and am debt-free, so why would I need to make resolutions on January 1st of every year? Maybe I should start going out on dates since I have not been on one in nearly a decade. Nah! There is not anyone I am interested in right now.

For the time being, my focuses are to continue with good habits, stay in fellowship with God and church related activities, work on my bachelor's degree, and most of all I really want to work on my second book. I need to quit procrastinating because the more one procrastinates, the less things get accomplished. I also want to try to post on here at least once a month or when I feel led to post something of interest.

For now, I will say bye and I look forward to more writing in 2015!

Laura

Cleaning Closets

During the last year or so, I often have dreams about closets. In these dreams I discover that my closet is much deeper and larger than it appears in my room. I also discover more clothes and shoes than I thought I owned. I can say that the same goes for my life in general. 

At least once or twice a year, I get into a major cleaning mode. One of the chores on my cleaning list is to go through my closet. Unbeknownst to me, I discover long lost memories from the past as well as clothes I have not worn in several years. Since I forgot I owned this particular shirt or dress and no longer recall the last time I wore them, I know it is time to toss them out of the closet. The same goes for thought patterns in my life.

Here are some examples of spiritual closet cleaning that are parallel to physical closet cleaning.

Hand me downs

1. Generational curses

            Example: Used underwear and socks. If a thrift store won't accept them, then you shouldn't either.When my brother and I were in early elementary school, a friend of Mom's wanted to get rid of her son's underwear so she asked Mom if the underwear would fit my brother. He refused the underwear knowing that they have been worn numerous times and probably had past turd stains on them. Mom informed my brother that the underwear has been washed and should be good enough for him to wear. My brother still refused. 

           Just like some generational curses which seem to get handed down, we do not need to keep them. There has been a family joke about the "worry gene" in my family. Great Grandma was a big time worrier who passed it down to my grandmother who passed it down to my mother. I got some of the worry gene but Mom had worked hard to break the curse by encouraging me to stop worrying about stuff. Although we do have some worries in life, Mom and I do not worry to the same extent as previous generations.

I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.-Exodus 20:6 

2. Love-extra

            Example: An outfit you've worn so many times, have had it for years and now ready to pass it on. Throughout my life I have had quite a few outfits that I have worn more times than I could ever count but after a period of time, I needed to get rid of this item to make room for other items in my closet. Plus, I wanted someone else to wear it. I have also worn hand-me-downs from others throughout my life. As a child and being the oldest of all my first cousins, hand-me-downs for me came from other relatives and friends who had older children. When I was about a year old, I wore a polyester olive jumper that once belonged to my uncle who was 15 years older than I. 

3. Restored clothing

            Example: Mistakes made by ancestors who learned from them and passed them on to the next generation. The polyester jumper that used to be my uncle's became mine when I was a year old. Mom stitched my name onto the bib of the jumper.

4. Some skip a generation

            Example: A vintage dress of Grandma's that did not fit Mom but I could fit into it. Grandma's a believer in Christ, but Mom does not exactly share that belief. However I (the granddaughter) am a born-again Christian.

A New Wardrobe

 When I became a Christian, God gave me a new wardrobe: His armor. I also got the fruit of the Spirit which must be worn at ALL times; not just on Sundays at church or when I hang around other believers. With a NEW Christian wardrobe (lifestyle) I don't have more room in my closet for the negative, ungodly stuff. When I became a Christian I got a new wardrobe but still have a closet that needs to be cleaned. Sometimes I don't realize that there's something wrong in my life until you have discovered something good (the presence of God).

In one of my dreams: I discovered shoes and clothes in my closet that I did not realize existed. When I began to dig deeper I discovered things I once forgot about such as past memories, the discovery of where, why, when, and how I got that certain belief, idea, ungodly belief, etc.

So why do I still hang onto things that don't get worn or I keep wearing them when they no longer serve their purpose? Just now I am finally getting rid of my bridesmaid dress which I wore in my friend's wedding over nine years ago. It has stayed in my closet for that long but I know I will not be wearing it again. It no longer fits me because I've lot weight and I know I will never wear it again. So I had it dry cleaned almost a year ago and I decided to donate it for a great cause. Someone I know uses fancy dresses for "Princess for a Day." I am also getting rid of my cap and gown from college graduation five years ago. If I do decide to get my bachelor's degree I would probably be wearing a different colored cap and gown. I never knew what to do with it until I cleaned out my closet a month ago. I had cleaned out my closet other times while the cap and gown was still in a plastic bag. This last cleaning spree I decided it was time to do something about that cap and gown. I am donating them to my local college because I know that preparing for graduation can become expensive. Some people don't attend their college graduation because they cannot afford it so I hope that my donation will make a difference for someone else.

As for my spiritual closet cleaning, I will not be finished after one cleaning spree. Each time I evaluate my walk with the Lord, there is usually something He wants me to get rid of. If I'm constantly storing up negative thoughts in my head, they can crowd out the positive that He wants for me to use.

The Single Life Part 2

When I was reading responses to an article from Relevant Magazine, I just had to share this reader's list of "advice" or comments that she gets tired of hearing as a single person. As I read through her list, I thought about certain ways to respond to each comment if I had the opportunity to do so. That probably won't happen because after being single myself for such a long time (12 years), I really do not want to vent to people anymore about my somewhat seemingly forever single status. I just prefer to do that in my writing as a way to relieve some pent up frustration without having to do this face-to-face. I want to dispense this newfound wisdom to other singles who probably get tired of hearing these comments and often don't know how to respond. Hopefully my suggested responses might be helpful.

More things NOT to say to single people:

1. God knows your address

My response: Of course He does! I know what God's Word says.

2. You need to be patient
My response: So how patient were you before you met your spouse?
2nd possible response: Next time you have to wait in line at Wal-Mart, be sure to take your own advise.

3. Maybe you have the gift of singleness
My response: If so, then I believe it's only for a season. I believe if God wanted me to remain single, He would not put the desire of marriage on my heart. (What I've really wanted to say in the past is "Bite me!")

4. You are so “special” that God is making you wait longer for your mate.
My response: Of course I am special because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Does my having to wait longer for a mate than others make them less special?
I could easily take this comment as a compliment!

5. You need to wait on the Lord and he will bring your mate to church.
My response: I hate to burst your bubble on this one, but more people have better luck finding someone in the produce aisle at a grocery store than at church. If you haven't noticed, many single men do not attend church or at least they don't attend the one I go to.
2nd possible response: Maybe I'll find my future husband in the aisles of Wal-Mart or at the dog park. Sunday is not the only day for God to bring wonderful opportunities into my life.

6. Don’t go out there looking for a mate to do that means you lack “faith” in God.
My response: So then Christian Mingle and eHarmony are not from God? I'm not going to sit at home and expect God to bring my future husband to knock on my door. I am just going to live life to the fullest and if I happen to meet someone who strikes my interest then that's great.
2nd possible response: Are you going to tell the people who had success meeting the right mate online that they lacked faith in God? God does have interesting ways of bringing two people together. The Internet could be one of those ways.
Note: I am not endorsing online dating here, but I believe that if God puts it on someone's heart to search on a dating website, then I'm all for it. As for me, I have tried that avenue several times without success. After the third attempt at online dating, I sensed God telling me to just leave the matchmaking up to Him. So I'm happily doing that by not actively searching for my future spouse. I'm just living my life to the fullest and know that the man God has for me is somewhere in my hometown. I may find him at the grocery store or the dog park. Just any random place in town.

7. God made Abraham wait until he was a hundred before his son was born so what is your rush?
My response: We are not living in biblical times. Besides, by the time I'm 100 years old (if I even live that long) my reproductive equipment will long be dried up and out of commission. Who would want to have a child when they're that old anyway?
Note: I think this comment is very insensitive, especially to a woman with a ticking biological clock. If anyone were to say that to me, I would love to tell them stuff that I am not going to post on here.
 
8. Why do you want to get married? (From the miserable married ones)
My response: Why not? So I can have a godly man by my side and we work for God's glory and so I can have sex. Isn't that why you got married?
Note: What a dumb question to ask! Most people want to get married. But with more people living together without being married I guess this question may not be so dumb after all. I believe God created most people with the desire to get married. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting married but no one should have to rush into something so big because they may think that time is running out or that it may be their last chance at finding someone.

If you want to read the article where this list (without my responses) came from click on the link below.

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/what-god-can-do-singleness#BAA1e3pW3EeIHFYm.99

The Single Life Part 1

Right now I am working on my second book which is a devotional for single people. Since I have not been able to find any devotional books specifically for singles, I have decided to start writing one. Although I am in an undefined season in my life, I feel the need to be encouraging to other single people as well as be encouraged.

I've been following up on blogs about the single life of Christians and wish that I had seen those blogs several years earlier when I was miserable about my single (for far too long) status. These blogs have given me encouragement and have also made me laugh because I can totally relate to the author's feelings and their experiences.

After reading a few lists of things single people get tired of hearing, I thought of some clever responses and would like to share them but first, I would like to share those "wonderful" things I have been tired of hearing from people about being single.

Here's a list I have created a few years ago.

Things Single People Get Tired of Hearing

1. Enjoy your time while you're still single.

    Maybe this would be encouraging to hear while I was in my late teens or twenties, but with a somewhat ticking biological clock, I do NOT want to hear this. So I just decided to stop complaining about my long-time single status unless I'm commiserating with other single people.

 

2. Playing matchmaker when people know you are single and saying, "I'm probably the world's worst matchmaker…but I know someone you might be interested in…" You end up hearing a sob story about that person's life.

Luckily people who know me well have gotten the hint that I do not share their tastes in men. Next time they want to fix me up, I will simply say, "Tell me about this person and I'll pray about it." If I like what this person has to say about their "choice" for me, then maybe I'll give the guy a chance. I don't have to marry him.

 

3. "Being single is so hard. I wouldn't want to be single."

       Please do not remind me. I am trying to be content where I'm at in my life right now.

4. "Maybe God has a reason for you to be single."

       Hopefully for a season.

 

5. "You know you're not getting any younger. If you want to have kids, you better hurry up and find someone."

       Why should I settle for just anyone so I can have a kid or two? I must love the man first and want to marry him.

6. "If you want to find someone decent, you need to move to a bigger city, go to a different church…"

       It doesn't matter where I have lived or what church I have attended. Big city or small town, I have not met anyone special yet.

7. "No one will want to date you if they know you still live with your parents."

      Luckily, I only heard this comment once but it still stings at times. I think it's more socially acceptable for a woman to live with her parents than for a man. However, everyone's circumstances vary. By living with my mother, at least the guy will get acquainted with her much sooner than if I had lived elsewhere.

8. "If you want to find someone you need to lose weight, change your wardrobe, act this way, that way…"

Luckily, this comment has never been directed at me but other singles have told me that they have heard this comment. If being skinny with a great wardrobe determined whether people got dates, then there would be far more single people than there are right no. 

9. "You are not going to find anyone by waiting. You might need to date a lot of people before you find the right person."

Since I already know what I like and don't like, I refuse to waste my time going on numerous dates especially if I already know I don't want to date that person. I don't see many serial daters getting married.

10. "You don't need a man (or a woman) because Jesus is your husband."

Although this statement is true and as a Christian, I am the bride of Christ, this does not really comfort me. I consider Jesus far more than a husband.

11. "Stay single because the end is near."

The end has been near for many years. If every single celibate person bought into this philosophy then there would not be many people on this earth right now. I believe that God wants us to live our lives fully (further your education, enjoy your friendships and family, get married, have children, etc.) as we prepare for Jesus' return.

In my next blog I would like to show other lists of what singles are tired of hearing and give my response to each comment.

Happy reading everyone!