I was just thinking about setting goals for 2014 and wondering if I were to follow my goals to a tee, would they help make my dreams become a reality? I believe that setting goals can motivate a person to work toward achieving a desired result but sometimes life can get in the way.
For example, if a person's goal is to lose 25 pounds within six months they need to set goals such as working out one hour for five days a week, maybe cut out desserts and eat smaller portion sizes. One thing about setting goals is that we need to be realistic about how we plan to get to the results we hope for. If a person wanted to lose 25 pounds in one month, that could be possible but work outs would need to be longer and daily and he/she would need to eat a lot less. However, it's not healthy to lose a lot of weight during a short period of time. When a person is more realistic about setting goals, it is much easier to stick to even if it takes a bit longer to achieve the desired result.
Sometimes I find that making (or trying to) my dreams come true may seem impossible because every dream takes work. I find that when being vague about goal setting, it's easier to procrastinate and then the dream may never become a reality.
About 5 or 6 years ago I needed to lose some weight because I knew I was slightly overweight and did not like the way I looked. I have always been an avid exerciser so increasing my workouts almost daily was not hard for me to do. What I focused on was cutting back on portion sizes, giving up on Diet Coke, and stop eating after a certain time in the evening (after 8pm). I chose these particular steps to help achieve my goal because they were realistic and would help in maintaining long-term healthy habits. I did not have a set day as to when my goal had to be achieved. In the past I would give myself a date when the goal had to be accomplished and usually I stressed out. That would cause me to blow my diet and feel like a failure.
So why does goal setting seem so overwhelming at times?
1. Being unrealistic about when the goal should be accomplished.
2. If you get off track one day, you feel like you failed and then have to work even harder the following days.
3. If you don't meet your deadline, then you feel like you failed. So why bother again?
What can you do to change your attitude about goal setting?
1. Be realistic about the time frame it should probably take to achieve this goal.
2. If you fall off track one day, just get back on the wagon and keep following through on the goal.
3. If you don't meet your deadline, extend it a bit longer. Maybe you did not give yourself enough time to set the goal.
As for getting my first book published, I have had the idea in my head for almost a decade. What was I going to write about? How many pages did I want the book to be before getting it ready for publication?
Sometime about a year ago, I remembered that I had lots of poetry and short essays I had written throughout the years since I was a teenager. A majority of my writings were from school and I received A's on almost everything I wrote so I thought that they would be publish-worthy. A few months ago, I finally compiled my poems and essays by typing them up and organizing them into a book. I am almost finished with the final touches and now it's almost time to get this book self-published. I already set up an account on a self-publishing website. Now I just need to take the next step and submit my work. However, I feel nervous about it. What if I can't get the book to look good?
I know I can do this and should give myself a deadline to make it happen.
However there are some hopes and dreams that we cannot put a deadline on. For example, I have hoped to be married and have a child or two of my own. When I was 33 I set a deadline as for when this had to happen. I decided that if I did not meet the right man by the time I turned 35, then it was too late for me to consider having children and it seemed likely that if I did not meet anyone by age 35 then it was probably never going to happen. As for making this "unrealistic goal" I did not exactly have a plan to put this into effect.
I did have my sights set on someone who was a few years younger than me and happened to be a single Christian man. Since he was the only single man I knew at the time, I felt that I had to focus on getting him to be interested in me. I just made sure that when I was around him he would see me. I am not the flirtatious type and could not get up the nerve to ask him out for coffee (which I don't drink anyway). I do not think that women should be pursuers when it comes to romance and I tend to be a bit shy around men. So I tried to be subtle by putting more effort into my physical appearance when I knew I would be somewhere where he was. I made sure to say "hi" and hopefully strike up some conversation when I came in contact with this guy.
I figured if he was interested in me then he would do something about it. Long story short, he ended up with someone else and I was crushed. Was this my only chance at ever finding a godly single man close to my age?
I've had several opportunities throughout my single years to date, but I just did not feel right about most of these opportunities. Maybe my standards were too high. Maybe I needed to move to a bigger city if I wanted to find a godly man around my age. Or I should just settle for whatever was available. I knew that I could not settle for less than I wanted because I did that many years ago and ended up divorced after only a few years of marriage.
As for finding love, I don't think a person should set a deadline for making this happen. However, you can take steps hoping for something great to happen. Here's some steps I've taken but sadly have not made success yet.
1. Pray for God to bring the right person into my life. I've prayed this prayer for almost ten years now. When it comes to setting goals and wanting to make your dreams come true, you should put God first. Some of you may be wondering "Why after almost ten years of prayer, has this not happened yet?" I don't have an answer for that. Only God knows why and it's His Timing that we have to trust. I have had times where I just wanted to give up and maybe change my prayer. If I prayed differently would He hear me more clearly and bring the right person sooner? If I lived the Christian life perfectly and without flaws, would my prayer be heard and acted on?
Throughout the years several people would tell me what they did and if I prayed this way or that way, then the right person would come the next day. According to their testimonies, when they changed their prayers they met their match within a short period of time. I cannot count the number of ways I changed how I prayed and I still have not met the right person.
I was fed up with praying and not seeing any results so I decided to take a step and
2. Set up a dating profile for some dating websites. I've tried a few but did not find what I was interested in. I did instant message, email, and even a few phone conversations, but never met in person. I just did not get that feeling that I should proceed further. After a few months of having several online dating profiles, I sensed God telling me to get rid of my dating profiles and let Him handle my romantic future. I'm not saying that online dating is wrong; I just don't think it's for everyone. Some people have found success with it and others have had horror stories.
3. I decided to change my attitude about my present circumstances. Almost two years ago, I realized that my motives for wanting to be with someone was selfish. I did not want to end up alone and childless and felt like an oddball among my peers (the majority of people my age in my small town have children and/or are married). I figured that maybe God had a different plan for me and I would just have to accept His Will for me.
4. In December 2012, my father was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and I realized how grateful I was to be living with my parents. I had been living with them for over five years by then. As hard as it was to see my father suffer and lose his battle last May, I knew why God kept me single for so long. He knew that my parents needed me to be there for them and spending the last six years of Dad's life with him was the greatest gift that God gave me.
5. I decided not to set deadlines as to when I should get married. At times I feel somewhat tempted to tell God that He needs to hurry because I'm almost 38 and I don't want my biological clock to break just yet. Luckily my desire for children is not as intense as it once was several years ago. Maybe the grieving process is causing me to put certain desires on hold. I cannot use that as an excuse for putting off my dreams of publishing a book.
You've got to know what dreams require some goal setting and some just to be left in God's Hands.
Pieces of Me is my first book and properly suits the theme of my book as well as my blog. What I like to write about on my blog is bits and pieces about my thoughts.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Happy 2014!
I'm back and ready to write in 2014. I have kept meaning to blog but time got away from me and I was focused on other writing projects, then in December I vegged out after an intense November of cramming 50,000 words of novel writing in 30 days. Now I'm at work on rewriting this novel that I really want to get published this calendar year. But first, I have something else that I want to get published first. Right now I'm keeping mum on that.
I enjoyed blogging about my thoughts on dreams and what to do to make them come true. I don't know if I have anything more to write on that. What comes to mind right now is when your dreams are put on hold.
I know we all have had specific dreams for our lives but they don't always come true. Could one reason be that the dreams are currently on hold right now? Why do our dreams get put on hold? Is it due to timing? Maybe our own laziness and lack of motivation?
In my life I have experienced these two reasons for my dreams being on hold. The first one is timing. Ever since I was in my late 20s, I was anxious to meet the right man, get married and have children. Well, now it's been nearly a decade since I first had that desire and it still has not happened yet. I believe that's due to timing. Or maybe God has something different in store for me which may not include having children. As for right now that is not on my priority list. I'm in the middle or maybe at the beginning of the grieving process of losing my dad almost eight months ago. At this point, I don't feel that I'm in a place where I want to consider dating anyone or even look around for potential dates. So for now, I am trying to focus on my other dream: becoming a published writer.
Almost a decade ago, I began to have the desire to write. Not just poems or short essays which I have done throughout my life. I have wanted to write books, maybe short stories. I have had one poem published in a poetry anthology in 2000 which is the most of any kind of publishing I've ever done. Timing could be a reason why this dream of being a published writer has not come true. Now that self-publishing has become more common amongst a lot of writers, there's no excuse for me to not pursue this dream. I admit that being lazy and unmotivated have contributed to my not actively pursuing my dream. I have taken several creative writing classes and participated in National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org) several times. I enjoy the creative process of writing, but am not always thrilled about the rewriting or editing process. I may have only an associate's degree in library science and a certificate in children's literature but I know I'm capable of using proper grammar and sentence structure throughout my writing. I may not have the financial security of hiring an editor or a book agent, but right now I'm not interested in becoming the next best selling author according to NY Times. I just want to produce a work that I can be proud of hoping that other people around me will enjoy reading it.
So in order for some of my dreams to come true, I need to get moving. I find that when I'm taking the necessary steps I discover motivation in going further along with the dream. I cannot sit around waiting for inspiration; I must perspire first then the inspiration will come.
I usually don't make New Years' resolutions, but in order for my dreams to come true I am challenging myself to get something published in 2014.
I enjoyed blogging about my thoughts on dreams and what to do to make them come true. I don't know if I have anything more to write on that. What comes to mind right now is when your dreams are put on hold.
I know we all have had specific dreams for our lives but they don't always come true. Could one reason be that the dreams are currently on hold right now? Why do our dreams get put on hold? Is it due to timing? Maybe our own laziness and lack of motivation?
In my life I have experienced these two reasons for my dreams being on hold. The first one is timing. Ever since I was in my late 20s, I was anxious to meet the right man, get married and have children. Well, now it's been nearly a decade since I first had that desire and it still has not happened yet. I believe that's due to timing. Or maybe God has something different in store for me which may not include having children. As for right now that is not on my priority list. I'm in the middle or maybe at the beginning of the grieving process of losing my dad almost eight months ago. At this point, I don't feel that I'm in a place where I want to consider dating anyone or even look around for potential dates. So for now, I am trying to focus on my other dream: becoming a published writer.
Almost a decade ago, I began to have the desire to write. Not just poems or short essays which I have done throughout my life. I have wanted to write books, maybe short stories. I have had one poem published in a poetry anthology in 2000 which is the most of any kind of publishing I've ever done. Timing could be a reason why this dream of being a published writer has not come true. Now that self-publishing has become more common amongst a lot of writers, there's no excuse for me to not pursue this dream. I admit that being lazy and unmotivated have contributed to my not actively pursuing my dream. I have taken several creative writing classes and participated in National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org) several times. I enjoy the creative process of writing, but am not always thrilled about the rewriting or editing process. I may have only an associate's degree in library science and a certificate in children's literature but I know I'm capable of using proper grammar and sentence structure throughout my writing. I may not have the financial security of hiring an editor or a book agent, but right now I'm not interested in becoming the next best selling author according to NY Times. I just want to produce a work that I can be proud of hoping that other people around me will enjoy reading it.
So in order for some of my dreams to come true, I need to get moving. I find that when I'm taking the necessary steps I discover motivation in going further along with the dream. I cannot sit around waiting for inspiration; I must perspire first then the inspiration will come.
I usually don't make New Years' resolutions, but in order for my dreams to come true I am challenging myself to get something published in 2014.
Friday, November 1, 2013
30 reasons why I love being single
Since this month is Thanksgiving, I always love to make a list of 30 things I am thankful for. This time I want to do something different and make a list of 30 things to be thankful for as a single person. That does not mean I want to remain single for my entire life. It's important to be content and grateful during any season in life. So many single people spend a lot of time trying to find someone to make them feel complete and they often end up feeling unsatisfied. Although God created us to want to have relationships (not just romantic, marital), He created us to love Him but only out of our own free wills. So here is my list of thanksgiving as a single person.
1. No matter what my relationship status is, I am always in a relationship with God!
2. I have lots of freedom to do the things I want to do and not have to worry about answering to anyone.
3. I can hog the covers and stretch out on my bed without anyone trying to fight me.
4. My room does not have to be spotlessly clean at all times.
5. I don't have to worry about thinking what to get him for Christmas because I haven't met him (my future man) yet.
6. I have been able to have a full social life because I have more time to meet many new people.
7. I don't have to shave my legs every single day if I don't want to.
8. I don't have to hear "What's wrong, babe?" whenever I'm not in a talkative mood.
9. I don't have to give anyone an answer when I don't feel like talking.
10. The toilet seat is always down unless my brother is visiting.
11. I don't have to give a detailed account of where I've been all day and what I've been doing all day. Refer to #2.
12. I have more time for bible studies and fellowship with God. However, it's a matter of using my free time wisely.
13. I don't have to check in with anyone about my plans unless Mom and I have already made previous plans. I live with her.
14. I don't have to deal with typical relationship drama which can be stressful.
15. I can freely talk to any male without having to worry about someone getting jealous.
16. I can watch Channing Tatum movies without having to deal with a jealous man. For crying out loud, he's a married celebrity so it's not at all likely that he'll be mine.
17. There is no sports on my TV or Spike Channel.
18. I can mow the lawn in an awesome riding lawn mower. If I wasn't single, I probably wouldn't have had that opportunity.
19. I can cuddle up with my dog without having to deal with male jealousy and competition. However, any other dog that's around does get jealous.
20. If I want to go do something, I don't have to wait around to see if he wants to or not.
21. I can wear the color red.
22. I have a lot of time to be with my Mom.
23. I can accomplish some goals in a more timely manner.
24. I do only my own laundry and don't have to deal with washing anyone else's underwear.
25. I can decorate my room and my bathroom any way I want. When I lived alone, I got to decorate my entire place the way I wanted.
26. I have been able to save more money.
27. I have been able to tithe more to my church and donate more money.
28. I have more time to prepare myself for my future husband.
29. I wear my hair any way I like.
30. I am happy as I am today.
1. No matter what my relationship status is, I am always in a relationship with God!
2. I have lots of freedom to do the things I want to do and not have to worry about answering to anyone.
3. I can hog the covers and stretch out on my bed without anyone trying to fight me.
4. My room does not have to be spotlessly clean at all times.
5. I don't have to worry about thinking what to get him for Christmas because I haven't met him (my future man) yet.
6. I have been able to have a full social life because I have more time to meet many new people.
7. I don't have to shave my legs every single day if I don't want to.
8. I don't have to hear "What's wrong, babe?" whenever I'm not in a talkative mood.
9. I don't have to give anyone an answer when I don't feel like talking.
10. The toilet seat is always down unless my brother is visiting.
11. I don't have to give a detailed account of where I've been all day and what I've been doing all day. Refer to #2.
12. I have more time for bible studies and fellowship with God. However, it's a matter of using my free time wisely.
13. I don't have to check in with anyone about my plans unless Mom and I have already made previous plans. I live with her.
14. I don't have to deal with typical relationship drama which can be stressful.
15. I can freely talk to any male without having to worry about someone getting jealous.
16. I can watch Channing Tatum movies without having to deal with a jealous man. For crying out loud, he's a married celebrity so it's not at all likely that he'll be mine.
17. There is no sports on my TV or Spike Channel.
18. I can mow the lawn in an awesome riding lawn mower. If I wasn't single, I probably wouldn't have had that opportunity.
19. I can cuddle up with my dog without having to deal with male jealousy and competition. However, any other dog that's around does get jealous.
20. If I want to go do something, I don't have to wait around to see if he wants to or not.
21. I can wear the color red.
22. I have a lot of time to be with my Mom.
23. I can accomplish some goals in a more timely manner.
24. I do only my own laundry and don't have to deal with washing anyone else's underwear.
25. I can decorate my room and my bathroom any way I want. When I lived alone, I got to decorate my entire place the way I wanted.
26. I have been able to save more money.
27. I have been able to tithe more to my church and donate more money.
28. I have more time to prepare myself for my future husband.
29. I wear my hair any way I like.
30. I am happy as I am today.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Broken Dreams: Can they be fixed?
Here's the third part of my Dreams series. As usual, I don't always know what my next blog will be about and I have to be in the mood to blog.
Awhile back I came across an old book of poems in which mine was published. Here it is:
Wedding
Like a flower
Love blooms
At the wedding
Between bride and groom
Like a bell
Love rings
With praise
As two exchange rings.
Like a light
Love brightens
As the two kiss
Their hands together tighten
Like a path
Love leads
To their life together
Bride and groom need.
I no longer recall when I wrote this poem but I know that it was published in an annual poetry book in 2000. I got married the previous year so maybe I wrote this poem about my wedding.
Yesterday would have been my 14th wedding anniversary if I had stayed married to my ex. Sometimes I feel like the one dream I thought had come true at one time can never happen again because it is a broken dream. It's broken because things did not work out for us no matter how hard I tried to be the best wife I could be to him. It was never enough. We went to counseling (through our church and a licensed psychologist) a few times throughout our two and a half year marriage. At times things were going well in our marriage but they were far and few. I had dealt with some abuse that I realized I could no longer tolerate and I had begun to fear for my safety. I knew that leaving an abusive marriage was the best choice for my and my dog (my baby) and did not wonder if there was another chance for me to find love. I figured that opportunity would come eventually and I needed time to heal from the abuse.
As I get older (I'm 37 now), I sometimes feel that this broken dream cannot be fixed and I would be better off to quit dreaming about love again. I may look young and pretty on the outside, but my heart is old and has been through a lot (especially lately with the recent death of my father). As much as I yearn for a loving marriage and maybe a child or two, I know that I'm in a place where I'm too broken to let anyone get close to me. The years are creeping up on me and time is running out for me to become a biological parent. But right now, I just don't want to rush anything no matter how much the desire is there.
As I write this now, the reader is probably wondering where my faith in God is. It's there, but somewhat on shaky ground. I know His promises for me and that He can fix everything that has been broken, even my dreams. I am just trying to get out of this depression and heartache of loneliness.
Just today I saw someone (I know I've seen him around town a few times and I swear I know him from somewhere) holding hands with a woman and I felt like my stomach had been punched. The wind almost knocked me out. I don't even know his name so why do I even care? I guess that sometimes in my mind when I picture my dream man, this man I saw sort of fits the image that I have had in my mind and in my dreams. Well now that man, who resembles the one I have seen in my dreams throughout the years, is holding hands with someone else so there goes my dream. Maybe he has a twin or someone else who resembles him a bit. So I just don't know what to make of it. Maybe I'm living inside a dream just like the movie Inception.
So no matter how awful I feel right now, I know that God is restoring my broken dreams and making them new. Of course I'll find love again and this man will be far greater than anything I could ever dream up in my own human mind. God will restore what was once broken.
Awhile back I came across an old book of poems in which mine was published. Here it is:
Wedding
Like a flower
Love blooms
At the wedding
Between bride and groom
Like a bell
Love rings
With praise
As two exchange rings.
Like a light
Love brightens
As the two kiss
Their hands together tighten
Like a path
Love leads
To their life together
Bride and groom need.
I no longer recall when I wrote this poem but I know that it was published in an annual poetry book in 2000. I got married the previous year so maybe I wrote this poem about my wedding.
Yesterday would have been my 14th wedding anniversary if I had stayed married to my ex. Sometimes I feel like the one dream I thought had come true at one time can never happen again because it is a broken dream. It's broken because things did not work out for us no matter how hard I tried to be the best wife I could be to him. It was never enough. We went to counseling (through our church and a licensed psychologist) a few times throughout our two and a half year marriage. At times things were going well in our marriage but they were far and few. I had dealt with some abuse that I realized I could no longer tolerate and I had begun to fear for my safety. I knew that leaving an abusive marriage was the best choice for my and my dog (my baby) and did not wonder if there was another chance for me to find love. I figured that opportunity would come eventually and I needed time to heal from the abuse.
As I get older (I'm 37 now), I sometimes feel that this broken dream cannot be fixed and I would be better off to quit dreaming about love again. I may look young and pretty on the outside, but my heart is old and has been through a lot (especially lately with the recent death of my father). As much as I yearn for a loving marriage and maybe a child or two, I know that I'm in a place where I'm too broken to let anyone get close to me. The years are creeping up on me and time is running out for me to become a biological parent. But right now, I just don't want to rush anything no matter how much the desire is there.
As I write this now, the reader is probably wondering where my faith in God is. It's there, but somewhat on shaky ground. I know His promises for me and that He can fix everything that has been broken, even my dreams. I am just trying to get out of this depression and heartache of loneliness.
Just today I saw someone (I know I've seen him around town a few times and I swear I know him from somewhere) holding hands with a woman and I felt like my stomach had been punched. The wind almost knocked me out. I don't even know his name so why do I even care? I guess that sometimes in my mind when I picture my dream man, this man I saw sort of fits the image that I have had in my mind and in my dreams. Well now that man, who resembles the one I have seen in my dreams throughout the years, is holding hands with someone else so there goes my dream. Maybe he has a twin or someone else who resembles him a bit. So I just don't know what to make of it. Maybe I'm living inside a dream just like the movie Inception.
So no matter how awful I feel right now, I know that God is restoring my broken dreams and making them new. Of course I'll find love again and this man will be far greater than anything I could ever dream up in my own human mind. God will restore what was once broken.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Some Dreams are Only Dreams
Just last night I had one of those dreams that will only be "just a dream." We all have those kinds of dreams and may not always remember them. Then there are other types of dreams which never go beyond dreams. They can be daydreams or wishes that are unrealistic and can never be fulfilled.
The dreams that occur during sleep may not be more than "just dreams." In the past I have discovered that some dreams I've had while asleep have been a foreshadowing of future events in my life or things from the past.
My dad has been gone for over four months now but in my dreams he never passed away. In these dreams my waking life is all a dream. While I'm asleep dreaming, I am in reality. I'm not sure if I'm making sense here but I know most of us who remember our dreams have had similar experiences. Sometimes when I have these dreams where Dad is here on earth, I do not want to wake up to my reality. This is one dream that will never come true for me in this life. Dad won't get to be here to see my future writing get published. He won't get to walk me down the aisle for my future marriage, but he did walk me down the aisle for my first wedding. He won't get to see my brother and/or me raise families. But one thing I know for certain is that Dad is in Heaven watching over me and someday we'll be together again.
Two other kinds of dreams that often do not come true are daydreams and unrealistic wishes. They could be considered the same thing. I have daydreamt as a way to entertain myself when I'm bored or trying to fall asleep. Some daydreams I have had throughout my life included fantasies about becoming a famous actress or fashion designer which could become unrealistic wishes if I were to chase after them. Or they could be reality but the majority of people who dream about becoming famous often don't. Fame is fleeting and does not last forever.
Another daydream I had as a child was to be a member of a sitcom family such as The Brady Bunch. That daydream could never become a reality because The Brady Bunch was never a real family and the series ended before I was born. As a teenager I had a huge crush on Brad Pitt and wanted to be with him but he lived too far from me, was too old for me, and often had a girlfriend. If I wanted to make that daydream a reality, I would have had to work at it. I would have had to find out where he lived, the location where he was rumored to be working on a film, and if I had found him he would probably have considered me a stalker.
Unrealistic dreams can include winning the lottery because very few people ever win the lottery and you have a better chance of staying out of debt by not playing the lottery. Some unrealistic dreams I have had involved wanting to become a famous actress. "Famous" is the key word here. I could become an actress and I did when I acted in high school and a few community theater plays.
I think that one reason dreams remain dreams is knowing the reality of making some of them come true will be hard, hard work and dealing with rejection after rejection. I have heard of some very famous actors who never gave up on their dreams no matter what the challenges were. After lots of hard work finding acting jobs, going through periods of not having work, and dealing with rejection these courageous people eventually made a name for themselves in Hollywood. Could I have ever done that? Probably, but I prefer to have a steady income and a stable life. I want to know where I will be a year from now or even five.
I'm not quite sure what direction my next blog will take but it will be part of this dream series. Stayed tuned and have a great day!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Dreams: Are they the right ones to pursue?
Lately I've dealt with a recent rejection in my life and I have come to wonder if a rejection means the end to a dream because the dream did not come true. So is there always another chance to make that dream come true? If you keep getting rejected repeatedly does that mean this may be "your dream only" and God may want something else for you? Why do you have a specific dream and desire but no matter how hard you pray of how often you keep trying does this mean that
a) The timing is not right?
b) Give up and find a new dream?
c) This may not be what God wants for you?
d) Your motives and reasons for this dream to come true may be selfish?
e) Keep trying until the dream comes true?
As I have thought about my dreams and desires I realize that there is not one specific reason why the dream has not come true at that specific time.
A) The timing is not right. As for my hopes and desires of getting married and having a family, I've come to realize that God's timing is far different from mine. Just don't tell that to my ticking biological clock. Since marriage and family are desires that God puts into many hearts, I believe it will happen for me someday.
B) Give up and find a new dream or C) This dream may not be what God wants for you.
This following situation could probably apply to both these reasons why the dream did not come true. For several years, I had wanted to be a cosmetology instructor. In 2004, I left a job of three years with a regular clientele and moved back to my hometown because God told me to. My desire was to be back in my hometown with my parents and work at my beauty school's alma mater. While I waited for my instructor's license, I worked as the school's receptionist for six weeks at minimum wage and the owner did not offer health insurance. I hated the job because the owner was mean to me and the students, I did not like the way she ran the beauty school, and she did not help me prepare for my job as a future instructor so I quit.
I went back to doing hair in a local salon until the business shut down three months later. The company offered me a transfer to another town which I took. However, I was still determined to pursue a future as a cosmetology instructor despite the past disappointment. While I worked, I looked for instructor jobs in the state. One school I interviewed at did not offer health insurance. Another school seemed like a great place to work but I did not want to live in a large city again. One of the local schools where I applied either weren't hiring and/or did not offer health insurance. By that time I had found another salon that offered better health insurance and other benefits so I was content for the time being.
I just stopped looking for work as a cosmetology instructor but I still kept up my instructor's license by taking the required continuing education hours. I continued that until earlier this year when I decided that keeping up a license I probably would never use became a waste of time and travel for me.
I guess I gave up this dream because of the disappointments of not getting hoped for jobs and the lousy experience I had working at my hometown beauty school. Hearing the owner's constant criticisms probably did not help either. Over five years ago, I left the cosmetology business in pursuit of fulfilling another dream which has come true to some extent. So I don't know if this dream of becoming a cosmetology instructor was not really God's dream for me but my dream. I don't know if I intentionally gave up this dream because of several disappointments or maybe I realized the challenges of being an instructor were too much for me to handle. Maybe this career path did not suit my personality. What I learned from pursuing this dream is that I became more aware of what I could/could not handle and what I did/did not like doing.
Sometimes dreams may die, come alive for a season then lay dormant for awhile and come alive again.
D) Your motives and reasons for wanting this dream to come true may be selfish. In the past, I never thought that selfish desires could be a reason that some dreams have not come true. Two years after my divorce, I had the desire to marry and have a family. At 28, my biological clock started ticking and I felt it was time for me to find someone. I tried online dating several times throughout my years of being single again. I just never found success in it. People told me I needed to just give one person I found online a chance. Somehow I could never get past the first phone call or after several emails, I just could not bring myself to meet the person. It could have probably been fear or uncertainty about the guy's character that put me off from a first meeting. I was (still am) picky when it came to dating. After a bad first marriage, I did not want to make the same mistakes again and I wanted somebody whom I really liked and shared my Christian beliefs.
It took me almost a decade to realize that my motives for wanting a husband and family were selfish. I wanted to feel valuable because the world does not seem to value single people and feel desirable to the opposite sex. I wanted to have a kid or two because I wanted someone to call me "Mommy" and most people my age have children. I did not want to go through my later years in life without someone (husband and/or children) by my side.
So after praying for almost a decade for God to bring me a husband, I decided over a year ago to stop praying that prayer. I sensed that God got tired of hearing that prayer and He was still at work on me and my future spouse. I'm not saying that God is not going to bring me my future husband when I've got myself perfectly together. I just don't want to be a huge mess when I meet him and there are still past issues I want to work through.
E) Keep trying until the dream comes true. I think that if you really want a dream to come true and you know that God has put that dream in your heart, keep trying. Don't give up on that dream. There may be a season when the dream is dormant. After the recent passing of my father, my desire for children has lessened. I'm not sure why. Maybe after having helped my mother in taking care of my dad, I'm just not in the mood to take care of another human right now.
Just recently I got turned down for a full-time position at work. This is the second time in two years that I have been turned down for that job. It may not exactly be my dream job but it's at a place where I enjoy working. As a full-time employee I would get benefits but I have to remember that right now I have health insurance through my state. I can always put in another bid when the position opens again.
Maybe this was not the right time for me to have this job because I still need time to grieve the loss of my dad. Not having what I really wanted (or maybe what I believed I wanted) is God's way of having me work on another dream: become a published writer.
Stay tuned for my next blog about dreams.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
I'm back after a long hiatus...
Hey readers!
I've been meaning to blog more but just haven't had the time, the motivation, or was unsure about what I wanted to post.
The last time I blogged was a year ago. I was in a very different place in my life. I was (still am) working part-time at my local library, finishing up my certificate in children's literature, using some down time to work as a consultant for Usborne Books & More, going to several bible studies a week, and helping out in children's church. Sounds like I was very busy and still not sure what direction to take in my life.
At 36 years of age (last year) I had gotten to the point that it was time to stop hoping for Mr. Right to show up, marry me and start a family. I decided that if (and when) God wanted this to happen for me then it would be on His time table and not mine. I don't think I'm going to end up like John the Baptist's mother or Abraham's wife by becoming a mother long past menopause, but God's idea for the right time to get married and have a family is not the same as mine was (which was at least before 35 years of age).
I decided to go ahead and just live life like a free woman and enjoy it! I gave up on online dating and did not want anyone to play matchmaker except God. Just as I started to embrace my singleness of one decade, my dad was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and I finally began to understand God's timing much better.
I had been living with my parents since 2007 and have not planned to move until I got married. Luckily Mom and Dad enjoyed the arrangement as I also did. I already knew that I was in the right place at the right time and that time was for me to be there for my parents. If I had been married and/or had a family to raise I would not have had the time that I got to have with my dad during his last months.
While helping Mom take care of Dad, I decided to take a much needed break from school (In December I completed my children's literature certificate) and put my book business on the back burner. During Dad's first month of chemotherapy I was not sure how things were going to turn out so I did not want to make big plans for my life. I just continued at my part-time job with some occasional pet sitting jobs to help pass the time but also be there for Dad when needed.
After the first month of chemotherapy he was improving and started making plans of his own during the beginning of his retirement. So I decided to go back and work on my book business which did not amount to a whole lot except for one book party.
Around the end of the third month of chemotherapy, Dad's health started to decline and the doctors changed treatment plans which did not seem to help. May 18, 2013 was my dad's last day on earth. He waited until I was out of the house to pass away. I believe that was God's way of protecting me from further pain.
As grateful as I am to know that Dad is no longer suffering, it still hurts not to have him in my life. More than four months later Mom and I are still trying to put the pieces of our life back together. My views on life have changed a bit. I have decided to cut out the things I do not want to do in my life such as attending numerous bible studies (At the moment, I am only doing one), children's ministry (After three years it was time for me to take a break), and the book business. Now that I finally made a decision to give up my business (which I did today), I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
People tell me that this time in my life is not the time to make big life decisions. So for right now, no dating until I find someone that I like enough to want to date, no moving away (I don't want to leave Mom), and no major career changes. But I do not see anything wrong with eliminating or adding little things to my life. So what I have decided to focus on more in my life right now is writing.
I have done it off and on throughout most of my adult years and have numerous unfinished projects. Since a writer should never reveal what they are writing (except for blogging) for future publication or writing contests, I will not tell you what projects I'm working on.
I look forward to this next blog. Have a blessed day everyone!
Laura
I've been meaning to blog more but just haven't had the time, the motivation, or was unsure about what I wanted to post.
The last time I blogged was a year ago. I was in a very different place in my life. I was (still am) working part-time at my local library, finishing up my certificate in children's literature, using some down time to work as a consultant for Usborne Books & More, going to several bible studies a week, and helping out in children's church. Sounds like I was very busy and still not sure what direction to take in my life.
At 36 years of age (last year) I had gotten to the point that it was time to stop hoping for Mr. Right to show up, marry me and start a family. I decided that if (and when) God wanted this to happen for me then it would be on His time table and not mine. I don't think I'm going to end up like John the Baptist's mother or Abraham's wife by becoming a mother long past menopause, but God's idea for the right time to get married and have a family is not the same as mine was (which was at least before 35 years of age).
I decided to go ahead and just live life like a free woman and enjoy it! I gave up on online dating and did not want anyone to play matchmaker except God. Just as I started to embrace my singleness of one decade, my dad was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and I finally began to understand God's timing much better.
I had been living with my parents since 2007 and have not planned to move until I got married. Luckily Mom and Dad enjoyed the arrangement as I also did. I already knew that I was in the right place at the right time and that time was for me to be there for my parents. If I had been married and/or had a family to raise I would not have had the time that I got to have with my dad during his last months.
While helping Mom take care of Dad, I decided to take a much needed break from school (In December I completed my children's literature certificate) and put my book business on the back burner. During Dad's first month of chemotherapy I was not sure how things were going to turn out so I did not want to make big plans for my life. I just continued at my part-time job with some occasional pet sitting jobs to help pass the time but also be there for Dad when needed.
After the first month of chemotherapy he was improving and started making plans of his own during the beginning of his retirement. So I decided to go back and work on my book business which did not amount to a whole lot except for one book party.
Around the end of the third month of chemotherapy, Dad's health started to decline and the doctors changed treatment plans which did not seem to help. May 18, 2013 was my dad's last day on earth. He waited until I was out of the house to pass away. I believe that was God's way of protecting me from further pain.
As grateful as I am to know that Dad is no longer suffering, it still hurts not to have him in my life. More than four months later Mom and I are still trying to put the pieces of our life back together. My views on life have changed a bit. I have decided to cut out the things I do not want to do in my life such as attending numerous bible studies (At the moment, I am only doing one), children's ministry (After three years it was time for me to take a break), and the book business. Now that I finally made a decision to give up my business (which I did today), I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
People tell me that this time in my life is not the time to make big life decisions. So for right now, no dating until I find someone that I like enough to want to date, no moving away (I don't want to leave Mom), and no major career changes. But I do not see anything wrong with eliminating or adding little things to my life. So what I have decided to focus on more in my life right now is writing.
I have done it off and on throughout most of my adult years and have numerous unfinished projects. Since a writer should never reveal what they are writing (except for blogging) for future publication or writing contests, I will not tell you what projects I'm working on.
I look forward to this next blog. Have a blessed day everyone!
Laura
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