On my soapbox about Fifty Shades of Grey

Right now, I am furious about the hype of the soon-to-be released movie Fifty Shades of Grey. What is this world coming to? I know that I should not judge a movie that is based on a trilogy of books that I have never read. But, I know that this book is pornography for women. I read the book reviews and talked with people who have read the books. 

As a single, Christian woman, I refuse to read books that I know contain graphic sex in them. I do not want my mind to go places where it has absolutely no business going. I already have an overactive imagination so I do not need any more help. What I cannot understand about Fifty Shades of Grey, is that there are Christians reading these books and they will probably see the movie when it comes out on February 13th. Movie trailers are advertising this film as a romance and trying to hype it up specifically for Valentines' Day. This infuriates me, because there is nothing romantic about sadomasochism and domination in a relationship. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV).

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. 

The love that I am reading about in God's word is far from the kind of love that the world portrays. I am saddened that Fifty Shades of Grey is promoting what they consider romance. After reading several reviews about the book and movie, I discovered that the leading lady (Ana) has been exposed to the dark world of sexual bondage, domination, and control from her "contract" lover Christian Grey. Although a woman may enjoy receiving expensive gifts from a handsome, wealthy man, there is nothing romantic about being a sex slave and enduring some of the harsh acts that Ana endured. How can anyone consider this romantic? This is not the kind of love God wants us to experience. 

Love is patient. From what I've heard about this movie, there is nothing patient about the relationship of Ana and Christian. They have sex outside of marriage. True love waits. Love is kind. How is it considered kind to tie up someone you are supposed to care about with chains and handcuffs? It (love) does not envy- Christian stalks Ana so I see jealousy in this relationship.

It does not boast, it is not proud. This 'contract' that Christian has drawn up for Ana appears to be an attitude of pride and control. It does not dishonor others-When Christian puts all of these demands on Ana, stalks her, etc., he is not honoring her. It is not self-seeking-Christian seems to be using Ana for his own selfish desires and she enjoys getting expensive gifts from him. It is not easily angered- Bondage and other forms of S & M seem to stem from unresolved anger issues. It keeps no records of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. All I have read about from the book and movie reviews shows that evil is glorified in this story. 

It always protects- When you love someone, you would do anything to protect them from harm rather than expose them to the darkness of S & M. It always trusts- When people love each other, they do not need to use tracking devices to find out where the other person is at all times. It always hopes, always perseveres. Although Ana seems to be seduced by Christian's spell on her, she appears heartbroken and hopeless at the end of the first book. Somehow, she seems to persevere and then two more book sequels follow. However, a person should not have to endure and tough it out in an unhealthy relationship. If they want things to work out, it is important to seek godly counsel. 

Love never fails. I just don't understand how Ana manages to stay with Christian when their 'contract' relationship sounds like a complete failure. 

I will get off my soapbox right now and pray that this movie flops at the box office. Hopefully more people will realize that the hype of this movie is not really all that it's cracked up to be.

For more reviews, here are a few links.

http://www.charismamag.com/blogs/fire-in-my-bones/22398-let-s-call-fifty-shades-of-grey-what-it-is-perverted

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/wives/fifty-shades-of-caution#.VNGurZ3F9qU

I'm not Josie Grossy anymore!

Here's a famous line from one of my favorite movies, Never Been Kissed: Drew Barrymore's character shouts, "I'M NOT JOSIE GROSSY ANYMORE!"



After seeing this movie, for probably the dozenth or so time, I am more reminded about my awkward teen years as my 20th year high school reunion is coming up this summer. I was never considered popular among my peers and I don't think guys ever considered me pretty. If they did, I never knew about it and I was rarely asked out on dates back in high school. However, I was not as awkward as "Josie" was in her teen years. I was somewhat on the shy side, got teased quite a bit, and lived somewhat of a sheltered life. I was not allowed to date until I was 16 (that was my sophomore year) and by then I could finally wear as much makeup as I wanted. Although I tried to look my best and sort of fit in fashionably with the other girls, I felt that I never measured up. None of my clothes were name brand because I bought what was affordable with my allowance money. I could never get my hair to look just right and my makeup often faded by the end of 2nd hour sophomore gym class. I admit that the thought of attending my reunion almost feels similar to Josie Gellar (Drew's character) going back to high school as an investigative, undercover reporter posing as a high school student. However, I must realize that "I am not Josie Grossy (an awkward teenager) anymore!"

I must remind myself that "in Christ, I am a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." (New King James Version) 

Find me on Pinterest

Hello readers!

I have decided to reactivate my Pinterest account. I wanted to look for some craft ideas for a church project. The google search listed several links to Pinterest so I decided to get back on Pinterest again. It has probably been more than two years since I've been on that site. I began an account mainly for my Usborne Books business, which I no longer have. I figured that as a self-published author and a blogger, using this account will motivate me to focus more on my writing in addition to focusing on my education.

I just need something productive to do. Hopefully you will find me on Pinterest under Pieces of Me.

Have a great day!

Laura Hughes

 http://www.pinterest.com/laurasbooks/

20 Years Later

It's hard to believe that this summer will be my 20th year class reunion. I am not 100% sure if I am going even though it will be in the town I live in. I did not go to my 10 year reunion because I had been divorced a few years and felt embarrassed about my 'divorced' status. Looking back that probably would not have mattered to anyone because later, I found out that quite a few other classmates were also divorced. I'm sure that at this upcoming reunion, some of my classmates may have different spouses than they had at the 10 year reunion.

It is interesting how we think our lives should be when we reach a certain age or milestone in life. Twenty years ago, I believed that I had my future figured out. I would begin cosmetology school in my hometown several weeks after high school graduation. A year later, I would graduate and find work as a hairdresser in this same hometown. Maybe I would get married, but I was not interested in having children. I just wanted to be a career woman. If I did not get married by a certain age (maybe 25), I wanted to venture out to Hollywood and became a celebrity hairstylist. I really did not want to think about how my life would be ten or even twenty years later.

Part of my 'plan' turned out the way I thought it should when I graduated from cosmetology school in 1996 and a few months later found a salon job in town. However, I hardly made any money for the seven months I had worked there so I quit. I was not able to find any salon jobs at all, so I tried whatever minimum-wage job I could get. I landed a gig at the local Tastee Freeze but after my two-week probationary period, I was let go because I did not seem to be able to get the hang of working the cash register. I was not fast enough and I felt like my supervisor did not take enough time to train me more efficiently. I continued to apply for more jobs (both minimum wage and salon) in my hometown and still could not find one after three months of unemployment. At the age of 21, I did what I had to do to get any job. I left my hometown for the Phoenix area (I had previously lived there during my younger years and had lots of family there) and within a week of living there, I got a job in a sandwich shop. After getting my Arizona cosmetology license, I found a salon job which I stayed at for eight months before finding a better one. After having lived with my grandparents for awhile, I found a studio apartment and was proud that I could make it on my own financially.

Surprisingly, I got married at the age of 23 so my dreams of becoming a Hollywood hairdresser were pretty much over. I had not even thought about them until writing this post. When I got married, I felt like I was now following the blueprint of life properly. By that time, quite a number of my classmates had already married and even had children. I was still not interested in having children. I just wanted to focus on my career, my marriage, and even my education (still did not have a clue what direction I wanted to go in). I thought I had it all and fantasized about my 10 year reunion. I would have somebody and show the guys who made fun of me that I was worthy of having a husband.

At the age of 26, I no longer cared about having someone because I got divorced. My marriage was an unhealthy one and I realized that I was much better off being single. It would still be a few more years before my 10 year reunion so I had to work on slimming down (I had probably put on 25 pounds since high school). I thought that by then I would have a date to the reunion. I believed that since somebody wanted me at one time, someone else would want me again.

In 2005, I was now living a few hours from my hometown and probably would not make the reunion. I had considered going but I chickened out for petty reasons. I was still not slim enough, therefore I felt ugly and more unattractive than I did back in high school (In those days, I was by no means considered a hot chick) and I was divorced. Still had not found anyone else after being divorced for nearly three years. Nah, I decided not to go. I just let my friend tell me everything about our 10 year reunion.

According to my friend, a good number (probably over 100) of our classmates showed up to the reunion. On the first night, everyone seemed chummy and excited to catch up with one another. Then by the end of the second (and last) evening, many people were back in their old cliques again. So, I don't feel as though I missed out. I just did not want my old insecurities from high school to resurface. I just did not think that ten years later I would still have low self-esteem issues even though I was now a rededicated, born-again Christian. I was also living on my own and supporting myself financially so that was something to show for. Two years after the 10 year reunion, I moved back to my hometown so I could be with my parents. When I encountered former classmates who still lived in the area, I was surprised that the majority of them did not attend the reunion. Some responses I heard: "I did not want to be around a bunch of stuck-up rich people who still thought they were better than everyone else." "I see the people that I want to see so I don't need to go to a ten-year reunion." My friend had informed me that she would not be going to our 20 year reunion. As for me, I'm still debating.


 Reasons I would like to go:

1. Just to say that I went to a class reunion
2. I no longer care that I probably do not fit the typical blueprint of where I should probably be in my life.
3. I live in this town and it's not like I have to travel or find a hotel.
4. I am curious to see what my classmates are up to even though I see the majority of them on facebook.
5. Since I missed out on prom and graduation (both my choices), I want to revisit an old chapter in my life and make peace with it.
6. I am in much better shape than I was ten years earlier and feel more confident about my appearance.

Reasons to forget about going:

1. I do not drink and am uncomfortable around drinking (which is the norm at most class reunions).
2. I will probably be dateless among many who aren't.
3. In spite of what I said about the #2 reason I would like to go, I feel a bit insecure that I am probably one of the few classmates who is still childless and I am not going to consider my dog as my child.

 Forget about the reasons I do not want to go and just go for crying out loud!

Why should I care that I may not be exactly where I had hoped to be in life? Around the time of my 10-year reunion, I had hoped that by my 20-year reunion I would be married and maybe have at least one child. Instead, I am still single, live with my widowed mother and my dog. I have a part-time job that I really, really love and am attending college. Despite how I thought I would always be a hairdresser twenty years ago, I decided to take a different career path in my early 30s and do not regret that at all.

I must also realize that the insecurities I sometimes struggle with are only in my head and others also struggle with insecurities that may be similar to mine or are entirely different. In the meantime, I will work hard to maintain my slimmer shape. Maybe even try to slim down a bit more. As for trying to find a date, I am not going to force the issue. It's possible that I could find my date at the reunion.

Happy 2015!

Hello readers and Happy 2015!

May your year be a blessed one and full of many promises that will come to pass. When life gets busy or in a rut, it can be easy to forget about working towards goals. In my case, I have been meaning to post more on my blog, but I got busy with life and in somewhat of a rut. Since I think that New Years' resolutions are highly over-rated and a way for companies such as gyms, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, etc., to make more money, I don't make resolutions such as exercise more, go on a diet, etc. I am already an avid exerciser, have been on a gluten-free diet for almost a year now (not a weight loss goal, just trying to stay healthy), and am debt-free, so why would I need to make resolutions on January 1st of every year? Maybe I should start going out on dates since I have not been on one in nearly a decade. Nah! There is not anyone I am interested in right now.

For the time being, my focuses are to continue with good habits, stay in fellowship with God and church related activities, work on my bachelor's degree, and most of all I really want to work on my second book. I need to quit procrastinating because the more one procrastinates, the less things get accomplished. I also want to try to post on here at least once a month or when I feel led to post something of interest.

For now, I will say bye and I look forward to more writing in 2015!

Laura

Cleaning Closets

During the last year or so, I often have dreams about closets. In these dreams I discover that my closet is much deeper and larger than it appears in my room. I also discover more clothes and shoes than I thought I owned. I can say that the same goes for my life in general. 

At least once or twice a year, I get into a major cleaning mode. One of the chores on my cleaning list is to go through my closet. Unbeknownst to me, I discover long lost memories from the past as well as clothes I have not worn in several years. Since I forgot I owned this particular shirt or dress and no longer recall the last time I wore them, I know it is time to toss them out of the closet. The same goes for thought patterns in my life.

Here are some examples of spiritual closet cleaning that are parallel to physical closet cleaning.

Hand me downs

1. Generational curses

            Example: Used underwear and socks. If a thrift store won't accept them, then you shouldn't either.When my brother and I were in early elementary school, a friend of Mom's wanted to get rid of her son's underwear so she asked Mom if the underwear would fit my brother. He refused the underwear knowing that they have been worn numerous times and probably had past turd stains on them. Mom informed my brother that the underwear has been washed and should be good enough for him to wear. My brother still refused. 

           Just like some generational curses which seem to get handed down, we do not need to keep them. There has been a family joke about the "worry gene" in my family. Great Grandma was a big time worrier who passed it down to my grandmother who passed it down to my mother. I got some of the worry gene but Mom had worked hard to break the curse by encouraging me to stop worrying about stuff. Although we do have some worries in life, Mom and I do not worry to the same extent as previous generations.

I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.-Exodus 20:6 

2. Love-extra

            Example: An outfit you've worn so many times, have had it for years and now ready to pass it on. Throughout my life I have had quite a few outfits that I have worn more times than I could ever count but after a period of time, I needed to get rid of this item to make room for other items in my closet. Plus, I wanted someone else to wear it. I have also worn hand-me-downs from others throughout my life. As a child and being the oldest of all my first cousins, hand-me-downs for me came from other relatives and friends who had older children. When I was about a year old, I wore a polyester olive jumper that once belonged to my uncle who was 15 years older than I. 

3. Restored clothing

            Example: Mistakes made by ancestors who learned from them and passed them on to the next generation. The polyester jumper that used to be my uncle's became mine when I was a year old. Mom stitched my name onto the bib of the jumper.

4. Some skip a generation

            Example: A vintage dress of Grandma's that did not fit Mom but I could fit into it. Grandma's a believer in Christ, but Mom does not exactly share that belief. However I (the granddaughter) am a born-again Christian.

A New Wardrobe

 When I became a Christian, God gave me a new wardrobe: His armor. I also got the fruit of the Spirit which must be worn at ALL times; not just on Sundays at church or when I hang around other believers. With a NEW Christian wardrobe (lifestyle) I don't have more room in my closet for the negative, ungodly stuff. When I became a Christian I got a new wardrobe but still have a closet that needs to be cleaned. Sometimes I don't realize that there's something wrong in my life until you have discovered something good (the presence of God).

In one of my dreams: I discovered shoes and clothes in my closet that I did not realize existed. When I began to dig deeper I discovered things I once forgot about such as past memories, the discovery of where, why, when, and how I got that certain belief, idea, ungodly belief, etc.

So why do I still hang onto things that don't get worn or I keep wearing them when they no longer serve their purpose? Just now I am finally getting rid of my bridesmaid dress which I wore in my friend's wedding over nine years ago. It has stayed in my closet for that long but I know I will not be wearing it again. It no longer fits me because I've lot weight and I know I will never wear it again. So I had it dry cleaned almost a year ago and I decided to donate it for a great cause. Someone I know uses fancy dresses for "Princess for a Day." I am also getting rid of my cap and gown from college graduation five years ago. If I do decide to get my bachelor's degree I would probably be wearing a different colored cap and gown. I never knew what to do with it until I cleaned out my closet a month ago. I had cleaned out my closet other times while the cap and gown was still in a plastic bag. This last cleaning spree I decided it was time to do something about that cap and gown. I am donating them to my local college because I know that preparing for graduation can become expensive. Some people don't attend their college graduation because they cannot afford it so I hope that my donation will make a difference for someone else.

As for my spiritual closet cleaning, I will not be finished after one cleaning spree. Each time I evaluate my walk with the Lord, there is usually something He wants me to get rid of. If I'm constantly storing up negative thoughts in my head, they can crowd out the positive that He wants for me to use.

The Single Life Part 2

When I was reading responses to an article from Relevant Magazine, I just had to share this reader's list of "advice" or comments that she gets tired of hearing as a single person. As I read through her list, I thought about certain ways to respond to each comment if I had the opportunity to do so. That probably won't happen because after being single myself for such a long time (12 years), I really do not want to vent to people anymore about my somewhat seemingly forever single status. I just prefer to do that in my writing as a way to relieve some pent up frustration without having to do this face-to-face. I want to dispense this newfound wisdom to other singles who probably get tired of hearing these comments and often don't know how to respond. Hopefully my suggested responses might be helpful.

More things NOT to say to single people:

1. God knows your address

My response: Of course He does! I know what God's Word says.

2. You need to be patient
My response: So how patient were you before you met your spouse?
2nd possible response: Next time you have to wait in line at Wal-Mart, be sure to take your own advise.

3. Maybe you have the gift of singleness
My response: If so, then I believe it's only for a season. I believe if God wanted me to remain single, He would not put the desire of marriage on my heart. (What I've really wanted to say in the past is "Bite me!")

4. You are so “special” that God is making you wait longer for your mate.
My response: Of course I am special because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Does my having to wait longer for a mate than others make them less special?
I could easily take this comment as a compliment!

5. You need to wait on the Lord and he will bring your mate to church.
My response: I hate to burst your bubble on this one, but more people have better luck finding someone in the produce aisle at a grocery store than at church. If you haven't noticed, many single men do not attend church or at least they don't attend the one I go to.
2nd possible response: Maybe I'll find my future husband in the aisles of Wal-Mart or at the dog park. Sunday is not the only day for God to bring wonderful opportunities into my life.

6. Don’t go out there looking for a mate to do that means you lack “faith” in God.
My response: So then Christian Mingle and eHarmony are not from God? I'm not going to sit at home and expect God to bring my future husband to knock on my door. I am just going to live life to the fullest and if I happen to meet someone who strikes my interest then that's great.
2nd possible response: Are you going to tell the people who had success meeting the right mate online that they lacked faith in God? God does have interesting ways of bringing two people together. The Internet could be one of those ways.
Note: I am not endorsing online dating here, but I believe that if God puts it on someone's heart to search on a dating website, then I'm all for it. As for me, I have tried that avenue several times without success. After the third attempt at online dating, I sensed God telling me to just leave the matchmaking up to Him. So I'm happily doing that by not actively searching for my future spouse. I'm just living my life to the fullest and know that the man God has for me is somewhere in my hometown. I may find him at the grocery store or the dog park. Just any random place in town.

7. God made Abraham wait until he was a hundred before his son was born so what is your rush?
My response: We are not living in biblical times. Besides, by the time I'm 100 years old (if I even live that long) my reproductive equipment will long be dried up and out of commission. Who would want to have a child when they're that old anyway?
Note: I think this comment is very insensitive, especially to a woman with a ticking biological clock. If anyone were to say that to me, I would love to tell them stuff that I am not going to post on here.
 
8. Why do you want to get married? (From the miserable married ones)
My response: Why not? So I can have a godly man by my side and we work for God's glory and so I can have sex. Isn't that why you got married?
Note: What a dumb question to ask! Most people want to get married. But with more people living together without being married I guess this question may not be so dumb after all. I believe God created most people with the desire to get married. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting married but no one should have to rush into something so big because they may think that time is running out or that it may be their last chance at finding someone.

If you want to read the article where this list (without my responses) came from click on the link below.

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/what-god-can-do-singleness#BAA1e3pW3EeIHFYm.99